By My Side.

In an effort to spend time together during the week, my partner J and I will work side by side. Tonight I'm trying to finish a presentation for class and he is reworking our financial plan in an effort to pay off our debt four months earlier then planned.

Now some of you may think I'm absolutely bonkers for taking on debt, or rather, treating J's debt as mine.

"He got himself into this debt, he is a big boy, he can get himself out."

"You need to be focusing on yourself and your kids."

"He could just up and leave you and you'd have nothing to show for your investment."

If you know anything about me, it should be that money means very little to me. I happily live on the basics and find cheap, crafty ways to beautify my world. That said, lately I've had a steady income which I have been using to invest in my children and in J. I love J, we plan on getting married someday. Frankly, I don't want to marry a guy who is in debt or is financially inept. Been there, done that! I am just not prepared to settle on that one again.

I grew up in a home that budgeted every penny. I grew up earning everything I wanted. I tell my money where it needs to go, that is my normal. I am recently finding out that a lot of people didn't grow up budgeting and instead of being taught about saving for things, many people have been taught to buy it on credit. America, the land of instant gratification and insane national debt.

The way my partner tells it is that he was talked into a lot of his debt, or as he likes to call it his "stupid tax." The cause of the debt is neither here nor there as long as he owns up to having made poor choices and is intent on never making the same mistakes again. He definitely has learned and I see his intensity everyday, which makes helping improve his situation my pleasure. Then again, I'm the kind of person who believes in improving the world one person at a time.

I had to first focus on improving myself. If the only thing constant is change, consider me extremely consistent. I am continuing to improve my children's future by investing in their college savings, which leaves me able to improve the next closest person to me, a man who equally looks out for my well being. J has stepped up for me and has been my hero quite a few times. When we talk about when we're debt free and what we plan to spend our money on, it normally involves helping others, giving to homeless, and investing in properties for people trying to get back on track. If we don't end up getting married, even if we break up, I will never regret improving this man's quality of life because I know the good that will come from it. I am happy to report that our relationship has never been stronger, things are going according to plan. J is definitely worth the investment and I couldn't imagine anyone else by my side. 

Changes

With seven children in our home, my partner J and I decided to celebrate the New Year with the East Coasters. I finished up my nightly portion of homework with four minutes to spare and we ran downstairs to join our wonderful neighbor’s celebration. Casually ringing in the New Year with my sweetheart’s lips on mine, toasting with dear friends and laughing with our children was honestly one of the best holidays I've ever had. 

J and I are absolutely GIDDY about our future together. We've started merging more of our life together and preparing for a life of debt free living, investing and travel. I’m over the moon to have found a man who is everything I could ever ask for.  Instead of aimlessly spending all of our income, J and I came up with a plan to give us direction.  We started by laying our all of our debt, smallest to largest; by using an Excel spreadsheet that shows us how long it will take us to be debt free. Along with our financial goals, J and I came up with a year full of monthly progressive goals to accomplish. J will be sharing our financial goals on his blog, http://cswsiggy.blogspot.com/ and I’ll be updating on the progress of our other monthly goals here!

Here’s the layout of our monthly progressive goals we designed to enrich our lives as a couple.

I hope you had a fabulous New Year. I'm wishing you and yours a peaceful and prosperous 2014!

One Love,
Heathery

Upped My Investment Game

Yesterday was a BIG day of celebrations in my home. I was able to invest more into my family's future.

When I met my ex husband, I was a teenager, working full time after school as an optician's assistant, with a paid for junker car, money in the bank, Roth IRAs and thought I would die of embarrassment if I were to over draw my checking account. After a year of dating, I suggested that we invest together, which worked out for a couple months and dropped off when we got pregnant and started planning our future life together. Within our first year of marriage we were practically living in the red. I was horrified, but we had a new baby to feed. We cashed in all the investments to keep us afloat during those hard years until eventually, our

My firstborn baby, StigKidC

camera gear became the only assets we owned.

I was a doormat wife. I tried talking to my husband about smart choices with our money, but I knew that it was him bringing in the income and he, as the leader of our home, who got to make the decision in the end. I can't tell you how many times in the tens years of our marriage that we went in the hole because he prioritized his wants over the needs of our family. In the later years of our marriage, I had given up trying to discuss finances, beyond telling him how much we needed for groceries. I started becoming jealous that he was out having a good time, while the kids and I were dressed in hand me downs. So I went out and started spending too. That isn't the best idea, I don't advise that. Eventually I started working more, earning my own income to do with as I pleased (much better idea). At this point in my marriage I knew I was ready for a divorce, but I was bitter and damn sure wanted HIM to pay for it, because in my mind, I had paid many times over. I was still spending. I got my hair done for the first time in two years, I took a vacation, I bought new clothes and shoes for the kids and I. I was living for the first time... but I still regret not investing or saving more.

Now, I've met this awesome guy who got into debt in his first marriage and is working with "gazelle intensity" to pay it all off within 2 years. Just being on the same page about finances motivated me to get my personal finances on track. Of course, I have savings accounts for myself and my children. Last month Justin and I saved up a joint emergency fund, I'm bringing in a profit from my multimedia business and making additional money by selling unwanted items and... my tax refund has arrived.

Let me just preface this by reiterating; Justin and I budget every penny BEFORE it arrives in our bank accounts. We list out our bills, including gas, groceries, a small amount of fun money and anything that's left over gets divided up into Savings, Tithe and paying off debt. (Honestly, We aren't quite doing this right, tithe and savings should be the first 10% (each) of the income, not just what's leftover, but I know we'll get there). So, of course, we had planned out what to do with my tax return well before we got it. The breakdown is below.

I buy my insurance and do most of my banking through USAA. They are an amazing company to do business with, I just LOVE them! I know USAA offers free financial advice so J and I called them up to answer questions and help us invest for my children's college. My financial adviser, Tawnya, also asked me if I had thought about investing in my own retirement and investing in life insurance. Now, I'm a skeptical girl. For a month I worked to get a job with a life insurance company  just to turn down the job in the end because I believed they were more in the business of scamming people instead of helping. However, Listening to Dave Ramsey, I am also under the belief that when researching policies I should make sure to seek Term-Life insurance. [To learn more about Life insurance, check out cswsiggy.blogspot.com]

I lost my life insurance coverage and split retirement benefits in the divorce. I was in need of a new policy, and this time, one that I was in control of.. what I didn't know was J was also in the market for additional coverage. We both got pre-screened, appointment set for medical exams, and quotes for 30 year, Term policies.

Next up was investing in my retirement account. Having invested before, my adviser and I discussed low. moderate and high risk portfolios. I was seeking investments in which I could continually make contributions throughout the year. I eventually ended up choosing the Cornerstone Moderate Fund. The fund has about a 50% equity security/50% fixed income security target asset class allocation... basically, half stocks, half

Cornerstone Mutual Fund History

bonds. I can actively track my investments and (of course) I get quarterly statements. $1000 bought me 66 units and has a steady monthly rate of return.

Finally, my adviser and I got to the most important investments to me, my children's college funds. To my knowledge, no one ever saved for me to go to college. It was a struggle just to put food on the table. My parents told me that if I wanted to go to college, I'd have to get there on a scholarship. I went to an extremely competitive high school and I knew that even though I was an honor roll student, I didn't have the extra curricular activities and foreign languages required for traditional four year colleges. I had no idea about federal grants until a week before I gave birth to my oldest child. Ever since then, I've been making my way through higher education and it's important to me to help my children make their way through college as well. I am a moderate risk kind of person and I again chose a moderate risk, 529 investment plan for the children. StigKidC will be ten this year, which means he has about 8 years until college with only a small savings to his name. I decided to invest double the amount into his account than I did my girls since I have a little more time to invest in their funds.

The next financial goals are beefing up our emergency fund, saving for a house and adding legacy funds to my estate for all seven of our kiddos.

Cheers to me, for being in financial control of my future and many more wise decisions to come!

January Goal update

It's the middle of the month and J and I have already reached our January goals!

BOTH storage units are cleaned out saving us a little over $90/month. That money is going directly into our emergency fund account, and then on to the debt snowball.

I raised the extra $100 (and more) by selling unworn clothing from my closet and unused items from my storage unit. That money will also go into our emergency fund.

Want to know more about emergency funds and "debt snowballs"? Visit Justin's blog, http://cswsiggy.blogspot.com.

"SOMEDAY" When Exactly is That Again?

I come off as a brave woman, but the truth is, given my history with men, I had been afraid of giving my heart completely to another person just to be emotionally destroyed. I'm tough, but having to start over last time sent me into a dark depression that I just don't want to have to experience again. The last few months, However, some things have changed. 

After over five years of pain and anger, I have been able to finally forgive my ex husband which left so much more room in my heart for the amazing things God has planned for me.

Justin and I started off the year by regularly attending church and diving back into seeking God. Justin said he has learned so much about how to be a man and how God wants him to treat me. I love being with a man who has a heart for God. 

I realized that out of bitterness, I had come to institutionalize rather than honor the sanctity of marriage. Because I had been so deeply hurt in my last marriage, I formed the perspective that marriage is just a piece of paper where two people get different tax exemptions for merging their lives. In my mind, when you love someone, when you live with someone, when you join households and raise children with someone, the government should just keep out of it. Well... Loving God the way I do, I know what his word says. Marriage isn't between two people, when you're a Christian, Marriage is a covenant between two people AND GOD. Marriage is about faith, not numbers. 

Being completely open with you, the last two weeks have laid a heavy burden on my heart. Yes, It's true I'm a nympho, but I'm a nympho with a conscience and deep roots in my faith. I am of the firm belief that it's God's plan for his people to get married before engaging in sexual activities. I'm not married and have been engaging HEAVILY in sexual activities. That's not a "whoops"... I didn't accidentally fall naked on top of his manhood, I have been directly violating God's word. Justin and I love each other as man and wife. People mistakenly refer to me as Justin's wife and he doesn't correct them; He says he views me as his wife and I respond by saying that's a title that I haven't earned. He rebuttals that I will be someday. 

After talking with two of my friends that are about to get engaged, one dating a few months longer than J and I , and another started dating long after J and I... I'm genuinely happy for both of them, not even jealous a little. I know Justin and I are working on our own timeline. We have so many goals we want to accomplish before entering marriage again, the thing of it is, I want more than a promise. Words have a face value, ACTION is my love language. Justin says he wants to marry me, someday, I don't want to rush to the alter, but it was time we sat down to figure out just WHEN someday placed in our timeline. 

Being the logical (read: nerdy) people we are, Justin and I literally drew out our ideal timelines and shared them with each other. They were so stinking similar, except for one thing... getting engaged. My ideal timeline includes getting engaged between now and right after I graduate (in about 19 months), have a longer engagement where we save up for our dream wedding and honeymoon, Justin retires and then we get married. Side note: Getting married after retirement stems from me telling him from the start I don't want to marry a Marine. Getting to know him, I realize he's not a typical Marine, so I wouldn't even mind marrying him before he retires. In Justin's ideal timeline, engagement comes about a year before the wedding and in that time we fit in relationship counseling and marriage preparation classes. He says he wants to do it right this time and set us up for success. Over the last few months, he had kept mentioning that he isn't quite ready for marriage (Which I happen to agree with). I know my reasons for not feeling quite ready (I want to focus on my education and job and continue to build my multimedia empire, getting married would decrease my federal funding, J and my kids are working on their emotional bonds, we need to work out our differences in parenting styles), but I wanted to hear his reasons. His two issues are:

• He doesn't feel like he can provide for me while in debt (I definitely agree that we should start off marriage debt free).
• He's afraid of "screwing things up with [me]" and wants to take marriage and relationship classes to help learn how to be the best husband possible. 

I don't feel we should wait until a year before marriage to engage in relationship/family counseling. That's been something I've been bringing up since October last year. So we'll be starting counseling at the end of spring sports (right before summer) and regularly attend until we get married (probably after as well). 

My heart belongs to Justin already, that shouldn't shock anyone. we've known for a while that we were headed toward to alter, it's just nice to have a timeline. If you're a close friend or family reading this, look for your Save-The-Date invites to our fall 2021 wedding on a mountain lodge TBD. Hope to see you there. :)