Friday, I had the worst date I've ever had in my life. Our first stop was fine/ We went to Hennessey's Tavern in the Gas Lamp District and listened to a funk band. They were good and groovy. Here's a clip of one of their sets that night.
I thought we may have been on our way to getting over our grumpy moods but it just went downhill from there. Even while J and I were fighting, he still opened my doors, we still shared a hot cocoa and he still took my hand and danced in the middle of a Starbucks to slow jazz. We even had a gentleman interrupt us to tell us how refreshing it is to see two people so openly passionate. At this point the thought kept popping up that crimes of passion are technically still passion.
Saturday morning we were still at odds. I considered sending him up to his boys opening baseball ceremonies by himself, but I promised the boys I'd be there and I didn't want to hurt them. Besides, I probably would've only stewed, and I didn't want to be even more upset.
J and I had a heated discussion about our roles, flexibility and willingness to compromise in our relationship. I feel that I work extremely hard and am doing great balancing all my priorities. Justin agrees, but has two triggers, one is making sure he has adequate time with his kiddos and the other is his need for the house to be clean all the time. When he comes home and the house is messy (which happens from time to time, with my schedule and two young mess makers in the house) Justin starts acting grumpy, giving me the cold shoulder or shutting himself in our room until he can deal with it. I feel, after everything I do all day, he should try to have a little more understanding and he feels that since it's the ONLY thing he asks of me, that I should make more of an effort. We were stuck in the car, discussion going in circles, I was feeling completely unappreciated when his pride got the best of my temper and I said,
"Why don't you just go find someone better then!" I immediately regretted it but I wanted him to say that he didn't want someone better, he wanted me... Only those words were never spoken. He turned up the radio and I sat holding back my tears. I asked him to stop at the store so I could buy a bouquet of flowers for his ex-wife to show our appreciation of all the hard work that went into their kiddos' baseball season (that has only just begun). He got even more upset. He said I do so much for everyone and asked when I planned to take time just for me.
I didn't see how that affected him at all and informed him that I am able to spend a lot of time reflecting and recharging throughout the week, but that I'm a woman and have different ways I am able to relax. He dropped me off at the store but refused to come in. I was completely turned off by his behavior, but not ready to throw in the towel.
"Why don't you just go find someone better then!" I immediately regretted it but I wanted him to say that he didn't want someone better, he wanted me... Only those words were never spoken. He turned up the radio and I sat holding back my tears. I asked him to stop at the store so I could buy a bouquet of flowers for his ex-wife to show our appreciation of all the hard work that went into their kiddos' baseball season (that has only just begun). He got even more upset. He said I do so much for everyone and asked when I planned to take time just for me.
I didn't see how that affected him at all and informed him that I am able to spend a lot of time reflecting and recharging throughout the week, but that I'm a woman and have different ways I am able to relax. He dropped me off at the store but refused to come in. I was completely turned off by his behavior, but not ready to throw in the towel.
We arrived at our destination and I asked him if he was ready to give up on us. I told him that the decision was his. He looked over at me, clearly hurt with a bit of anger and confusion and said it sounded like I made the decision for him. I assured him that I was close to that point, but didn't want pride to get in the way of a relationship that we have worked so hard for. Before he answered, his kiddos had pulled up beside us and we exited the car to greet them and their mama. Our giant group started walking to the opening ceremony but I held J behind for a moment. "If you want to give up on us, I get it." I continued, "But if you want to work it out, you better kiss me right now and we'll figure things out later."
He kissed me, and I smiled and pressed my lips up for another kiss. The nukes were put away and our personal cold war was put on a temporary hold. A moment later we were back with all the kids, ready to focus on celebrating their spring baseball season.
Now, I know guys *usually* need space when they're upset, but I have this flaw, where it's hard for me to let other's be when we have issues between us that need to be resolved. However, I can give others their needed space if I can be reassured of our relationship. When I asked Justin to kiss me, I was asking for reassurance. He loves me enough to meet me halfway, even after I acted like a hormonal teenager. We are both imperfect humans with so much left to learn about communication. These little arguments are NOT enjoyable, but I do enjoy the growth and humility that comes from them.
Now, I know guys *usually* need space when they're upset, but I have this flaw, where it's hard for me to let other's be when we have issues between us that need to be resolved. However, I can give others their needed space if I can be reassured of our relationship. When I asked Justin to kiss me, I was asking for reassurance. He loves me enough to meet me halfway, even after I acted like a hormonal teenager. We are both imperfect humans with so much left to learn about communication. These little arguments are NOT enjoyable, but I do enjoy the growth and humility that comes from them.
No comments:
Post a Comment