Man, I wish I could say, "The dog ate it."

A couple weeks ago I made a post, then, in true, "oh shit... Did I just put that on the internet" form, I deleted it. I wanted to repost sooner, but my schedule hasn't permitted the time. While my post may have been completely true, I find ranting a wee bit distasteful. I probably should have just edited it. I live, I learn, I'm sorry for committing an apparent blogger sin, it won't happen again.

Anyway, to summarize in a more professional manner, J and I have had some relationship hiccups lately in the romance department. I am hoping he steps up his game, but in the mean time, I have decided to step back and view things from an alternative perspective. I have since seen the little... Yes, less romantic, but none-the-less sweet ways J displays his love.

No relationship is perfect, I am not one to expect perfection either. We are human. We err. Sometimes in our quest for what we think we want, we find what we need. I am grateful for J. For the time being, he is what I need. Can I see this lasting long term? You betcha. As long as he continues accepting my numerous flaws, I'll keep accepting his.

Anyway, "Anonymous", I read your feedback. I appreciate your honesty. I hope one day you choose to be less sarcastic and rude in your approach, but even if you don't... Meh... It is what it is (As stated frequently by a friend of mine, sounds like you may know him).

Rehab the Nympho!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
~Erica Jong

Man, Last week was challenging for me SoCal is in the middle of a heatwave and I DO NOT handle heat well, plus, I am under a tremendous amount of financial strain, which, like most, affects me adversely. Poor J, He had to deal with not only the heat, but ME as well.

Different relationships have different expectations which bring out different behaviors. J makes me feel safe enough to be completely open and safe to admit my failures. This environment is conducive to my personal growth. I am becoming increasingly self aware which is making it easier to progress through difficult situations. I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that my partner wants the best for me, that support is priceless.

J gently admitted that my sexual appetite is a little much for him right now, and just like supply and demand, when you have too much of something, the value decreases. Honestly, hearing that felt like a sucker punch. All I heard was, "Heather, I don't like sex with you as much as I used to, you crazy nympho." which of course, is not what he was saying at all. I have to remember that I am in my sexual prime, so I am going to want sex way more than the average guy. In addition, I went from barely getting any sex to getting it on the daily, and, like a fat kid tasting cake for the first time, I because gluttonous for a good thing.

J wants to use some of the time that we'd normally spend shagging, to talk more... you know, that little thing called communication that I recently [read: within the last twelve months] discovered I'm not that great at. Soooo... I guess we're going to be doing that.

All sarcasm aside, I would happily give up half of the sex J and I have to invest in a deeper understanding of one another. I love how this man challenges my mindset, coaches me on how to be a more assertive woman and not settle for an obedient, mundane life. I enjoy the results of the progress I've already made. As confusing as change can be sometimes, I am excited to continue to uncover the woman that's been stifled inside all these years, and bloom with a man who understands how to inspire the best from me.