The Orchid and the Dandelion

The University of Essex published a study illustrating how certain variances in the serotonin transporter gene impact emotional response development. This study is known as the Orchid and the Dandelion. To sum it up in layman's terms there are two kinds of people, Dandelions and Orchids. "Dandelions" adapt to nearly any environment and flourish while "Orchids" are sensitive to their environments and are much more prone to anxiety disorders, depression, crime and substance abuse. 

I have endured many painful circumstances in my life, but when I am withering I still seek out stronger foundations because I have the faith of a brighter future ahead of me. I pride myself on my ability to see situational failure as the stepping stones to lifetime success. When dealing with pain I have a few steps that help me back on my feet.

Take the time to feel emotional: 
I have come a long way in a few short years. I chose to shut off my emotions to become logical, cold, and calculated. I felt the need to hide the pain until I no longer felt it. That saved me for a few years, but I was stuck and couldn't mature emotionally. Allowing myself to feel negative emotions hurts, and I still find myself veering off into the deep logic side for shelter, but it's important for me to redirect and keep on course with the healing process. 

Process the pain and assess the circumstances:

Three skills are necessary at this step, clear judgement, unbiased listening, and assertiveness. the majority of my pain has usually included another person, so I usually talk this out with that person directly. Most people talk this out with those closest to them, but I don't have a lot of people in my inner circle so if I can't find someone I want to talk to about this particular situation I'll either talk it out with myself or my deity, either way, it's very difficult to have a dishonest conversation.

It's important to realize that pain carriers utilize thinking errors to over analyze situations and to keep you focused on what you don't like, often becoming more aggressive (the anger part of the 7 stages of grief). It's okay to get angry, I try not to stay in this stage for too long because it eats up the happiness in my life.

I ask myself questions like:

What my part was in the situation? 

Could I have handled it better, how?

Was this preventable?

How can I prevent this from happening in the future?

What do I want to happen from here? 

How does this affect my long term goals?

How do I get myself back on track?

Learn what I can about myself and life:

Post-traumatic growth (yes, it's a real thing. Google it.) is the understanding that distress has the potential to be a catalyst for positive change. I may not be able to prevent every unpleasant situation in my life but I am determined to grow from my pain. The fact is, bad things happen to all of us but sitting around thinking of the bad that happens robs us of the good available. I am not responsible for every situation, good or bad, I may find myself in, but I am always responsible for my emotions and actions. 

Emotional and spiritual development always follow pain if you allow it. 

Lace up my proverbial boots and keep moving forward, even when I don't feel like it.

The show must go on. Suicidal ideations happen to the best of us, lord knows I've had my fair share, but there is always something better out there. There is always a bigger plan that you don't always get to see. Life is worth living.

I am a mother, a business owner/entrepreneur, a daughter, sister, and a friend. I can't quit, even if I wanted to. I have goals that need to be accomplished and recipes I need to master. My children deserve a mommy in their lives and I am the only one who can fill those boots. Equally as important, I have a higher purpose that will take a lifetime to fulfill: To share what I know about love and grace. One thing to know about love is that it always perseveres. Since love perseveres, then Orchids and Dandelions must as well.

I am Not a Vulcan (anymore)

Preface

I have always been an excellent communicator, I simply wouldn't communicate my emotions (when I allowed myself to feel them). Lately, after much hard work and constant encouragement from my partner, I am learning to allow myself to acknowledge and process my feelings. This process, admittedly... Sucks. Having to acknowledge the tramas of my past, having to admit my insecurities and actually say when I'm feeling hurt or angry instead of "stuffing" it away... Ahh! Emotional overload!

To The Point

My children are supposed to with their father through the summer, they have been gone a little over a month. Although we talk daily and Skype, it's not the same as holding them in my arms. Without them with me, I could easily slip into depression, and granted I've had two days where I did nothing but laze about my condo, lost and missing them.

It's a daily struggle to remind myself why I decided to have my ex take them for the summer months. I am constantly saying, "You need to focus on school, keep your appointments, get rid of the cancer, get to know yourself, go out and have a little adventure, work, buy a new car..." I have a laundry list of goals I wanted to accomplish and interests I wanted to pursue, lists of things that would be much more difficult to do with my children present. Happily, I've used my time wisely and the summer is nearly over... My babies are coming home soon!!!

Dealing with cancer sucks. Lack of dealing with cancer would be worse. I have a lot to live for, a lot to fight for and for the first time in my life, I have the love and support of a man I trust wholeheartedly. All of this mushy, "touchy feely" stuff is a little much at times, but I'm thankful for the growth, and to have someone love me enough to see me though all of this.

I'm better because you're in my life J.