Pop the Champagne!

My sweet husband and I try to dance together every day. One evening last year, I put on a song, one of my favorite, for us to enjoy.

I feel his gentle hands rest upon my waist, his adoring gaze mirrored by my own. The music begins. 

"I don't get many things right the first time" ... his smile widens and his head nods subtly in agreement.

"And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face, now I see it everyday, and I know That I am... The luckiest." He takes a deep breath, as if he is feeling the full capacity of his lung for the first time and quietly speaks, "This should be our first dance song. This is us." 

We continue to dance and he continues to listen to the rest of the song, chuckling at the similarities between the 'what if' scenario illustrated in the lyrics and our own conversations. He holds me closer than ever to his body and I can't help but to feel that's reflective of his emotions. He speaks the words "I love you" but before he lets me go he whispers, "I am the luckiest". 

J and I had initially planned a fancy wedding with about a hundred guests for this December, but the pressure and expense of a traditional wedding just didn't appeal to us. We called off the wedding with no intention of setting another date. One evening in late October I was up visiting my family in Washington State when I got a phone call from J. In our conversation he said he wanted to marry me when I came back home, no frills, no expense, just the two of us committing to spend the rest of our lives driving each other crazy. Well, Who could say no to that?

Two days before our ceremony I got an email from the company I ordered my dress from, saying the trucking company that was delivering my dress was involved in an accident and my dress was ruined. With only two days, there was no time to find another dress. I cried. My sweet love tried his best to console me and was finally able to remind me that he was marrying me, not a dress.

I had another dress that I had worn to our ball but I had lost a little weight and it needed to be taken in. I was able to find a seamstress to do the alterations rush but I wouldn't be able to pick it up until 10am on the day of our wedding. Knowing how lucky I was finding someone on such short notice, I didn't feel I had much of a choice. The day of our wedding, J and I went to pick it up and he insisted I try it on before we leave. I am reluctant because we are already cutting it close on time. He persisted and gave me "the look", The look of determination and a spine of steel. I sighed in defeat and stepped into the changing room. I stepped into my gown and tried to zip up the sides only to find, the zipper wouldn't budge! J had them fix it on the spot (which took another twenty minutes). I used the time to do my makeup and try not to cry over the remark that my seamstress made that I "must have eaten too much at Christmas". It's funny now, not too funny in the stress of the moment though.

We said our vows in an intimate ceremony the day after Christmas. I laughed when my husband recanted our first meeting, first date, and inside jokes and I cried when he vowed to pursue me until his dying day.

Photo Credit: Iconic Images

Although I was against it initially, we exchanged rings. My J wanted to have a token of our love to show. I rarely ever wear mine as I work hard with my hands, constantly sanding, painting, or scrubbing something, but the swell of pride I see on my sweet husband when he notices me wearing it is well worth the compromise of buying it.

Talking to our families before the ceremony.

We set up a video conference with our families so they could witness our ceremony.

J's Vows made me cry.

Jumping for Joy: We're married!

Our dear friends and witnesses

                  

We chose not to have our children at our initial ceremony, which we had quite a few remarks about. Although I don't need to explain the reasoning behind our decision, I want to. 

We believe that in a marriage, God comes first, spouse comes second and children come after. The Bible tells us that when we are married we become ONE with our spouse. Children are not to be the center of the home; God is. Children are a gift from God, they are on loan for parents to train up to be responsible, productive, and moral individuals.When children leave the home, many couples feel the sting of the empty nest and a spouse who they have neglected to invest in. 

J and I value our time with our children, and recognize that our marriage joins together two families as one, but inevitably, our marriage, the conception and maintenance of our union, is our responsibility, not theirs. 

J and I were able to spend the the entire week beforehand with all seven of our babies, and since we plan on renewing our vows annually, they will have more than plenty of opportunities to be involved in celebrating our marriage with us.

Our first meal as husband and wife? Sushi (of course)!

Looking forward to a lifetime of wedded bliss. 

For step parents who may be seeking advice, I found this article helpful when searching for my place in my partner and bonus kiddo's lives:

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/remarriage/staying-married/placing-your-spouse-in-the-front-seat-of-your-heart#.VQhp5o7F98E

The beautiful photos of our ceremony and dinner reception were taken by my dear friend and fellow photographer, Chrissie, of Bella Luce Photography. As a photographer, I place a high value on photos. The very first phone call after booking my venue and date was to book my photographer, and I am so glad I did. We get to savor these precious memories for the rest of our lives. 

Dating Your Best Friend (on a budget)- Making the Ordinary Extraordinary

I've been called a cheap date a time or two and honestly, there was a time when I used to take offense to that. Cheap? It's called frugal! And frugal is an AWESOME thing. I put a high value of my time, which means if I give you my time, I value you. I want to spend my time doing activities that enrich my life. 

My first time around I married an introvert, indoor and movie lover, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just I needed him to come do things that I wanted to do as much as I compromised and did things he enjoyed... and , well... that just didn't happen. The thing I enjoyed most about our dates was the detailed, post movie conversation we had afterward.

With J, it's different. He's my intellectual equal. He's social, constantly seeking new ways to improve himself and has a love for frugality as much as I do. J and I have an unspoken challenge to find ways to make our ordinary, everyday tasks extraordinary. 

EVERYDAY BEHAVIOR ADDS UP (choose to make your mate a priority)

J reading to me. 

I am usually home when J gets home from work. It doesn't take much of an effort to greet your mate, but I'm a firm believer that taking the time to warmly welcome someone home sets a positive tone. I welcome J home with a warm smile and a passionate kiss. Sometimes I run and jump into his arms which makes him laugh. I adore his laugh. I'm a business owner, photographer, designer and student, so when J gets home, there's a good chance I'm working at the computer. When I'm not at the computer, I'm usually in the kitchen cooking dinner. J and I are parents, we have ambition and so many things we have on our to-do lists every day. We are able to keep the spark in our relationship by completing the tasks we have to do as a team. We tell stupid jokes, we have pun competitions, we do the dishes together, we blog together, we Pinterest together...Yes, my manly man is on Pinterest, pinning home improvement, art, and wedding stuff. We take long soaks in our bath tub, take long walks at under the stars, get up and jog in the mornings, take our kids hiking, fishing, camping, do yoga, read books to each other, work on our business together, meet up for lunch and thrift store dates and spend every night we're together wrapped up in a tight cuddly embrace. 

What you do with your time is a choice. When you prioritize your mate, you have a better chance for a happy and successful relationship. 

MIXTAPE CHALLENGE

One of my favorite things to do with J is our "Mixtape Challenge". We choose a theme, a song limit and put together a mix cd that adheres to our rules by a set day. We take turns listening to each other's cd's, explain our thoughts behind our selections and then choosing the winner. 

COMMUNITY EVENTS

We live in and near awesome communities. There are weekly Farmer's markets, every couple months there are street and vendor fairs and the best part? They're all free and full of educational information (and samples). Just last night we went to the Sunset Farmer's Market in our neighboring city. We enjoy all the live bands, street food (did I mention the free samples?), unique art and products, and meeting new people. We followed it up with a walk on the pier. It's tradition, We've been enjoying this event since we met. Usually we'd include sushi, but since we're pinching pennies we ate a bacon wrapped street dog instead. We also used to spend more time just walking on the beach, but we had the kids with us and they were getting tired so we came home a little earlier than normal. 

SHOPPING CHALLENGE

We are bargain hunters. We make lists of the things we want, budget an allotment, and compete to see who can get the most for our money. We hit up thrift stores, consignment stores, garage sales and internet resale sites.

DANCING

We dance.. ALL THE TIME. Every day we take time to dance to at least one song together. Usually it's while we're waiting on dinner to finish cooking, or while the kids have their free time before bed. Man, dancing together really helps keep the romance in our crazy relationship. 

SEXY TIME

We take advantage of the time we spend without the kiddos. Sweet romance is nice, but sometimes, I just want to feel that burning passion and sexual desire that comes with activities that are a little more naughtier than our norm. Sometimes, we pretend that we just met and flirt with each other. We whisper sexy things to each other (we tend to do that all the time) and sometimes, we are a bit more daring. Keeping a healthy sexual appetite with your mate is important. Sexual intimacy, making love, doesn't have to mean "vanilla sex". If that's what you and your partner are into, go for it. I'm certainly not criticizing it, it's just not always what works for my partner and I. 

NOTES

My love and I hide love notes for each other. It's so fun to find an unexpected note carved into a banana, in the fridge, on an unplugged curling iron, in a wallet, written on the car windshield, in a journal, on the car dash, in the books we're reading.  A few times, my sweetheart hid things for me along my jogging route, or set up a scavenger hunt. Thinking up creative places to hide these notes (where they'll be found) takes insight into the other person's life. It shows you pay attention to their habits and took the time to make them feel special; and that often means more than what's written on the note itself.

J and I work very hard, we are very ambitious, goal oriented people with a bunch of kids (his four and my three) that take up a most of our weekends. We fought hard to find a happy balance between our relationship and his limited schedule with the first loves of his life (his children). 

We believe that we're soul mates, but here's a secret. Even people who are meant to be together still must choose to make things work. Love that was meant to be can still be ruined if not handled with care. J and I don't ever want our love to wither away which is why we put so much time and effort into each other. 

Relationships take a lot of effort, relationships with people who have children takes even more effort. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we work hard to smooth out all the kinks and keep the passion. I am fortunate enough to love a man who is romantic in unusual ways. He plays close attention to me, he honors me in all ways, even publicly adoring me. He shouts out his love for me from the proverbial rooftops, aka: social media and I love every minute of it.

Finding a lifetime best friend is uncommon. Finding true love is rare. When you find both a best friend a true love  in the same package, it's rare and precious and should be treated as such. 

"SOMEDAY" When Exactly is That Again?

I come off as a brave woman, but the truth is, given my history with men, I had been afraid of giving my heart completely to another person just to be emotionally destroyed. I'm tough, but having to start over last time sent me into a dark depression that I just don't want to have to experience again. The last few months, However, some things have changed. 

After over five years of pain and anger, I have been able to finally forgive my ex husband which left so much more room in my heart for the amazing things God has planned for me.

Justin and I started off the year by regularly attending church and diving back into seeking God. Justin said he has learned so much about how to be a man and how God wants him to treat me. I love being with a man who has a heart for God. 

I realized that out of bitterness, I had come to institutionalize rather than honor the sanctity of marriage. Because I had been so deeply hurt in my last marriage, I formed the perspective that marriage is just a piece of paper where two people get different tax exemptions for merging their lives. In my mind, when you love someone, when you live with someone, when you join households and raise children with someone, the government should just keep out of it. Well... Loving God the way I do, I know what his word says. Marriage isn't between two people, when you're a Christian, Marriage is a covenant between two people AND GOD. Marriage is about faith, not numbers. 

Being completely open with you, the last two weeks have laid a heavy burden on my heart. Yes, It's true I'm a nympho, but I'm a nympho with a conscience and deep roots in my faith. I am of the firm belief that it's God's plan for his people to get married before engaging in sexual activities. I'm not married and have been engaging HEAVILY in sexual activities. That's not a "whoops"... I didn't accidentally fall naked on top of his manhood, I have been directly violating God's word. Justin and I love each other as man and wife. People mistakenly refer to me as Justin's wife and he doesn't correct them; He says he views me as his wife and I respond by saying that's a title that I haven't earned. He rebuttals that I will be someday. 

After talking with two of my friends that are about to get engaged, one dating a few months longer than J and I , and another started dating long after J and I... I'm genuinely happy for both of them, not even jealous a little. I know Justin and I are working on our own timeline. We have so many goals we want to accomplish before entering marriage again, the thing of it is, I want more than a promise. Words have a face value, ACTION is my love language. Justin says he wants to marry me, someday, I don't want to rush to the alter, but it was time we sat down to figure out just WHEN someday placed in our timeline. 

Being the logical (read: nerdy) people we are, Justin and I literally drew out our ideal timelines and shared them with each other. They were so stinking similar, except for one thing... getting engaged. My ideal timeline includes getting engaged between now and right after I graduate (in about 19 months), have a longer engagement where we save up for our dream wedding and honeymoon, Justin retires and then we get married. Side note: Getting married after retirement stems from me telling him from the start I don't want to marry a Marine. Getting to know him, I realize he's not a typical Marine, so I wouldn't even mind marrying him before he retires. In Justin's ideal timeline, engagement comes about a year before the wedding and in that time we fit in relationship counseling and marriage preparation classes. He says he wants to do it right this time and set us up for success. Over the last few months, he had kept mentioning that he isn't quite ready for marriage (Which I happen to agree with). I know my reasons for not feeling quite ready (I want to focus on my education and job and continue to build my multimedia empire, getting married would decrease my federal funding, J and my kids are working on their emotional bonds, we need to work out our differences in parenting styles), but I wanted to hear his reasons. His two issues are:

• He doesn't feel like he can provide for me while in debt (I definitely agree that we should start off marriage debt free).
• He's afraid of "screwing things up with [me]" and wants to take marriage and relationship classes to help learn how to be the best husband possible. 

I don't feel we should wait until a year before marriage to engage in relationship/family counseling. That's been something I've been bringing up since October last year. So we'll be starting counseling at the end of spring sports (right before summer) and regularly attend until we get married (probably after as well). 

My heart belongs to Justin already, that shouldn't shock anyone. we've known for a while that we were headed toward to alter, it's just nice to have a timeline. If you're a close friend or family reading this, look for your Save-The-Date invites to our fall 2021 wedding on a mountain lodge TBD. Hope to see you there. :) 

The Tale of Two Perspectives

Oh man, I had a night full of nightmares that kept waking me up. I ended up so exhausted that I slept through our alarms. Being tired is not a great way to start the day... So grumpy. :(

REWIND! ---------> let's look at this from a better perspective.

This morning I got to sleep in until 6:30, waking up only when my sweetheart gently caressed my face and shoulders, whispering sweet things to me. Once I was awake he stirred my brain by jarring the memory of our "circle of power, circle of influence" conversation, gave me a task to complete for our business. When he went to leave for the day, I listened for the door to close so I could spring up and catcall him from the bedroom window.... But the door didn't close... And I waaaaaaaaited.... And... Then he SPRANG himself on the bed folding me up in his arms, kissing me and saying "I love you woman!"

Those little moments bring lasting joy and make all the difference to my day. <3

Godly men

How a man treats his mate is evidence of his moral character. The same goes for women. I have noted that partners who honor their mate are more likely to keep the physical and emotional passion throughout their lifelong relationship. *Food for thought*