Family Time Communication Questions

Every evening our family sits down together to eat. It get's a little crazy here, especially on the days we have all seven, but I know that no matter how hectic the day gets, I can always look forward to the uninterrupted family time that I so cherish. We go around the table asking specific questions about each other's day and talk about anything we feel we need to, highs and lows.

Gosh, I can't tell you how good it feels to have that open dialogue and the wonders it does for our closeness. I can't recommend it enough. If you're like me, you're always scouting refreshing ways to talk to your spouse and your kiddos. I stumbled upon a sweet little list today that may help you out.

*Long side note*
This list is specific to school aged children, but don't forget to ask your spouse about their day and let the children join in the conversation. Often, we forget to talk about what we do all day when we are not around our kids, but discussing our work with children can better expand their knowledge and understanding of the world and how things work. and to the parents who are able to stay at home or work from home, your job (really... JOBS) may seem mundane at times, maybe even seemingly unimportant, but it is a huge responsibility and discussing it with children and your spouse is not only cathartic, but just as informative to your spouse and children.

25 Ways to Ask Your Kids 'So How Was School Today?' Without Asking Them 'So How Was School Today?'

Happiness

A month ago, a Marine vet in Illinois pulled a beautiful photo off my friend's Instagram and put it on a facebook site, ridiculing my friend's partner for being a gay 1stSgt. The post was quickly removed but as you can likely imagine, my friends had to work hard to brush off the negativity from that experience.

I just want to say, I am so proud that I live in such a open and wonderful community and it warms my heart to see more people be warm and welcoming, even when they personally disagree with another's lifestyle. Oh yes, we can always improve but at least here, we truly live the american dream, "...life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

See more of my photos here and here.

Pop the Champagne!

My sweet husband and I try to dance together every day. One evening last year, I put on a song, one of my favorite, for us to enjoy.

I feel his gentle hands rest upon my waist, his adoring gaze mirrored by my own. The music begins. 

"I don't get many things right the first time" ... his smile widens and his head nods subtly in agreement.

"And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face, now I see it everyday, and I know That I am... The luckiest." He takes a deep breath, as if he is feeling the full capacity of his lung for the first time and quietly speaks, "This should be our first dance song. This is us." 

We continue to dance and he continues to listen to the rest of the song, chuckling at the similarities between the 'what if' scenario illustrated in the lyrics and our own conversations. He holds me closer than ever to his body and I can't help but to feel that's reflective of his emotions. He speaks the words "I love you" but before he lets me go he whispers, "I am the luckiest". 

J and I had initially planned a fancy wedding with about a hundred guests for this December, but the pressure and expense of a traditional wedding just didn't appeal to us. We called off the wedding with no intention of setting another date. One evening in late October I was up visiting my family in Washington State when I got a phone call from J. In our conversation he said he wanted to marry me when I came back home, no frills, no expense, just the two of us committing to spend the rest of our lives driving each other crazy. Well, Who could say no to that?

Two days before our ceremony I got an email from the company I ordered my dress from, saying the trucking company that was delivering my dress was involved in an accident and my dress was ruined. With only two days, there was no time to find another dress. I cried. My sweet love tried his best to console me and was finally able to remind me that he was marrying me, not a dress.

I had another dress that I had worn to our ball but I had lost a little weight and it needed to be taken in. I was able to find a seamstress to do the alterations rush but I wouldn't be able to pick it up until 10am on the day of our wedding. Knowing how lucky I was finding someone on such short notice, I didn't feel I had much of a choice. The day of our wedding, J and I went to pick it up and he insisted I try it on before we leave. I am reluctant because we are already cutting it close on time. He persisted and gave me "the look", The look of determination and a spine of steel. I sighed in defeat and stepped into the changing room. I stepped into my gown and tried to zip up the sides only to find, the zipper wouldn't budge! J had them fix it on the spot (which took another twenty minutes). I used the time to do my makeup and try not to cry over the remark that my seamstress made that I "must have eaten too much at Christmas". It's funny now, not too funny in the stress of the moment though.

We said our vows in an intimate ceremony the day after Christmas. I laughed when my husband recanted our first meeting, first date, and inside jokes and I cried when he vowed to pursue me until his dying day.

Photo Credit: Iconic Images

Although I was against it initially, we exchanged rings. My J wanted to have a token of our love to show. I rarely ever wear mine as I work hard with my hands, constantly sanding, painting, or scrubbing something, but the swell of pride I see on my sweet husband when he notices me wearing it is well worth the compromise of buying it.

Talking to our families before the ceremony.

We set up a video conference with our families so they could witness our ceremony.

J's Vows made me cry.

Jumping for Joy: We're married!

Our dear friends and witnesses

                  

We chose not to have our children at our initial ceremony, which we had quite a few remarks about. Although I don't need to explain the reasoning behind our decision, I want to. 

We believe that in a marriage, God comes first, spouse comes second and children come after. The Bible tells us that when we are married we become ONE with our spouse. Children are not to be the center of the home; God is. Children are a gift from God, they are on loan for parents to train up to be responsible, productive, and moral individuals.When children leave the home, many couples feel the sting of the empty nest and a spouse who they have neglected to invest in. 

J and I value our time with our children, and recognize that our marriage joins together two families as one, but inevitably, our marriage, the conception and maintenance of our union, is our responsibility, not theirs. 

J and I were able to spend the the entire week beforehand with all seven of our babies, and since we plan on renewing our vows annually, they will have more than plenty of opportunities to be involved in celebrating our marriage with us.

Our first meal as husband and wife? Sushi (of course)!

Looking forward to a lifetime of wedded bliss. 

For step parents who may be seeking advice, I found this article helpful when searching for my place in my partner and bonus kiddo's lives:

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/remarriage/staying-married/placing-your-spouse-in-the-front-seat-of-your-heart#.VQhp5o7F98E

The beautiful photos of our ceremony and dinner reception were taken by my dear friend and fellow photographer, Chrissie, of Bella Luce Photography. As a photographer, I place a high value on photos. The very first phone call after booking my venue and date was to book my photographer, and I am so glad I did. We get to savor these precious memories for the rest of our lives. 

Surprise

Last night, the love of my life came home late again. I don't really mind, I've accepted that is just a part of his new job. On his way home, he called to tell me to pack some clothes before going to bed.

What was he up to?

This morning we get up before the crack of dawn and drive down to SD. He tells me he has to work for a little while but we are getting a hotel for a surprise mini vacation. Then he said a bunch of other romantic stuff that gave me butterflies. He showed me around his work area as much as he is allowed and now I wait at Starbucks, coffee in hand, contemplating how much  I have underestimated his ability to be spontaneous.

Dudes, take note. My man is writing the book on how to sweep a lady of her feet. 

The Tale of Two Perspectives

Oh man, I had a night full of nightmares that kept waking me up. I ended up so exhausted that I slept through our alarms. Being tired is not a great way to start the day... So grumpy. :(

REWIND! ---------> let's look at this from a better perspective.

This morning I got to sleep in until 6:30, waking up only when my sweetheart gently caressed my face and shoulders, whispering sweet things to me. Once I was awake he stirred my brain by jarring the memory of our "circle of power, circle of influence" conversation, gave me a task to complete for our business. When he went to leave for the day, I listened for the door to close so I could spring up and catcall him from the bedroom window.... But the door didn't close... And I waaaaaaaaited.... And... Then he SPRANG himself on the bed folding me up in his arms, kissing me and saying "I love you woman!"

Those little moments bring lasting joy and make all the difference to my day. <3

By My Side.

In an effort to spend time together during the week, my partner J and I will work side by side. Tonight I'm trying to finish a presentation for class and he is reworking our financial plan in an effort to pay off our debt four months earlier then planned.

Now some of you may think I'm absolutely bonkers for taking on debt, or rather, treating J's debt as mine.

"He got himself into this debt, he is a big boy, he can get himself out."

"You need to be focusing on yourself and your kids."

"He could just up and leave you and you'd have nothing to show for your investment."

If you know anything about me, it should be that money means very little to me. I happily live on the basics and find cheap, crafty ways to beautify my world. That said, lately I've had a steady income which I have been using to invest in my children and in J. I love J, we plan on getting married someday. Frankly, I don't want to marry a guy who is in debt or is financially inept. Been there, done that! I am just not prepared to settle on that one again.

I grew up in a home that budgeted every penny. I grew up earning everything I wanted. I tell my money where it needs to go, that is my normal. I am recently finding out that a lot of people didn't grow up budgeting and instead of being taught about saving for things, many people have been taught to buy it on credit. America, the land of instant gratification and insane national debt.

The way my partner tells it is that he was talked into a lot of his debt, or as he likes to call it his "stupid tax." The cause of the debt is neither here nor there as long as he owns up to having made poor choices and is intent on never making the same mistakes again. He definitely has learned and I see his intensity everyday, which makes helping improve his situation my pleasure. Then again, I'm the kind of person who believes in improving the world one person at a time.

I had to first focus on improving myself. If the only thing constant is change, consider me extremely consistent. I am continuing to improve my children's future by investing in their college savings, which leaves me able to improve the next closest person to me, a man who equally looks out for my well being. J has stepped up for me and has been my hero quite a few times. When we talk about when we're debt free and what we plan to spend our money on, it normally involves helping others, giving to homeless, and investing in properties for people trying to get back on track. If we don't end up getting married, even if we break up, I will never regret improving this man's quality of life because I know the good that will come from it. I am happy to report that our relationship has never been stronger, things are going according to plan. J is definitely worth the investment and I couldn't imagine anyone else by my side.