Pop the Champagne!

My sweet husband and I try to dance together every day. One evening last year, I put on a song, one of my favorite, for us to enjoy.

I feel his gentle hands rest upon my waist, his adoring gaze mirrored by my own. The music begins. 

"I don't get many things right the first time" ... his smile widens and his head nods subtly in agreement.

"And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face, now I see it everyday, and I know That I am... The luckiest." He takes a deep breath, as if he is feeling the full capacity of his lung for the first time and quietly speaks, "This should be our first dance song. This is us." 

We continue to dance and he continues to listen to the rest of the song, chuckling at the similarities between the 'what if' scenario illustrated in the lyrics and our own conversations. He holds me closer than ever to his body and I can't help but to feel that's reflective of his emotions. He speaks the words "I love you" but before he lets me go he whispers, "I am the luckiest". 

J and I had initially planned a fancy wedding with about a hundred guests for this December, but the pressure and expense of a traditional wedding just didn't appeal to us. We called off the wedding with no intention of setting another date. One evening in late October I was up visiting my family in Washington State when I got a phone call from J. In our conversation he said he wanted to marry me when I came back home, no frills, no expense, just the two of us committing to spend the rest of our lives driving each other crazy. Well, Who could say no to that?

Two days before our ceremony I got an email from the company I ordered my dress from, saying the trucking company that was delivering my dress was involved in an accident and my dress was ruined. With only two days, there was no time to find another dress. I cried. My sweet love tried his best to console me and was finally able to remind me that he was marrying me, not a dress.

I had another dress that I had worn to our ball but I had lost a little weight and it needed to be taken in. I was able to find a seamstress to do the alterations rush but I wouldn't be able to pick it up until 10am on the day of our wedding. Knowing how lucky I was finding someone on such short notice, I didn't feel I had much of a choice. The day of our wedding, J and I went to pick it up and he insisted I try it on before we leave. I am reluctant because we are already cutting it close on time. He persisted and gave me "the look", The look of determination and a spine of steel. I sighed in defeat and stepped into the changing room. I stepped into my gown and tried to zip up the sides only to find, the zipper wouldn't budge! J had them fix it on the spot (which took another twenty minutes). I used the time to do my makeup and try not to cry over the remark that my seamstress made that I "must have eaten too much at Christmas". It's funny now, not too funny in the stress of the moment though.

We said our vows in an intimate ceremony the day after Christmas. I laughed when my husband recanted our first meeting, first date, and inside jokes and I cried when he vowed to pursue me until his dying day.

Photo Credit: Iconic Images

Although I was against it initially, we exchanged rings. My J wanted to have a token of our love to show. I rarely ever wear mine as I work hard with my hands, constantly sanding, painting, or scrubbing something, but the swell of pride I see on my sweet husband when he notices me wearing it is well worth the compromise of buying it.

Talking to our families before the ceremony.

We set up a video conference with our families so they could witness our ceremony.

J's Vows made me cry.

Jumping for Joy: We're married!

Our dear friends and witnesses

                  

We chose not to have our children at our initial ceremony, which we had quite a few remarks about. Although I don't need to explain the reasoning behind our decision, I want to. 

We believe that in a marriage, God comes first, spouse comes second and children come after. The Bible tells us that when we are married we become ONE with our spouse. Children are not to be the center of the home; God is. Children are a gift from God, they are on loan for parents to train up to be responsible, productive, and moral individuals.When children leave the home, many couples feel the sting of the empty nest and a spouse who they have neglected to invest in. 

J and I value our time with our children, and recognize that our marriage joins together two families as one, but inevitably, our marriage, the conception and maintenance of our union, is our responsibility, not theirs. 

J and I were able to spend the the entire week beforehand with all seven of our babies, and since we plan on renewing our vows annually, they will have more than plenty of opportunities to be involved in celebrating our marriage with us.

Our first meal as husband and wife? Sushi (of course)!

Looking forward to a lifetime of wedded bliss. 

For step parents who may be seeking advice, I found this article helpful when searching for my place in my partner and bonus kiddo's lives:

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/remarriage/staying-married/placing-your-spouse-in-the-front-seat-of-your-heart#.VQhp5o7F98E

The beautiful photos of our ceremony and dinner reception were taken by my dear friend and fellow photographer, Chrissie, of Bella Luce Photography. As a photographer, I place a high value on photos. The very first phone call after booking my venue and date was to book my photographer, and I am so glad I did. We get to savor these precious memories for the rest of our lives. 

Exes and Ohs

This is a conversation my ex and I had a while ago. I'm sharing it today as I believe it's a good example how two people can still be friendly and lift each other up, even after they're no longer together.  It starts with his text:

My reply?

***,

I got your message today. I wanted to tell you... as the father of my children and my friend, I love you too. You have to know that you have driven me insane over the last eleven years together, but I am certain you feel the same about me! Those little quirks... the fights... the love... the most amazing kids in the world, have all combined to shape us into the people we are today, and you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

You are a good guy and I wish you nothing but success in all you seek to accomplish, happiness and the ability to separate yourself from work to appreciate the finer things in life, and MOST importantly, I wish you Love. True, Your next girl won't be as awesome as I am ;) but I know, when you find one you want to be serious with, she'll (he?) be worth it.

Man... Divorce is tough. There aren't many rules and I feel like the California Legal system was designed by a blue falcon (if you know what I mean). None the less, we're creating a good path. There have been some bumps in the road and I anticipate more bumps in the future, however, we're connected by the amazing bond we created through our children... for the rest of our lives (or until one of us dies.. you're older, just sayin')

To some things up *** Elgie, I'll use the words of a wise man. "I have been, and always shall be, your friend." (Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)

………………………………………………………………………………

All good things come with love.  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (NIV) 

Let's dive into this, shall we... Love is patient/it is not easily angered, I am not. I expect everything to be done in a timely manner and done right. However, Love is teaching me to be more patient.

Love is KIND/Love isn't rude. I know I have said things that have been unkind, even rude to others, even our mates. After having a heart to heart with J, I found out that I had unintentionally been rude to him by being overly honest in my opinion of his religion. Here all along I have been striving to be open minded and seeking equality for all beliefs and ways of life, and yet I was rude to the closest person to me. I know I've certainly said rude things to my ex, especially in his choice of sexual partners and parenting skills. Well, I now realize that his partners aren't my concern, in fact, only SOME of his choices regarding our children are of my concern. The hardest test will be coming next summer when he has the kids. I have to trust his parenting and not criticize his techniques or be so hard on him when he isn't a perfect parent. He hasn't been the primary parent in their lives so how can I expect him to know everything that took me until now to learn? I can't!

Love doesn't envy. Well now... My little green eyed monster used to raise it's head when my ex would get a night out and I'd be stuck with the kids all day.. Then my jealousy grew to him having a life and friends outside the house, his work was his escape. I wanted to work outside the home, but we could never afford daycare. I wanted a life and friends too. I had given up my life, my home, my family and friends when my ex joined the Marines four years into our marriage. That was his choice, and now I had to give up everything where I was alone... and HE got a break? I found it very difficult NOT to be jealous. Now, in my current relationship, I am only jealous that my partner's strengths are my weaknesses. He is "wicked smart" in areas I struggle to understand. He retains information, and sometimes... JUST sometimes, he takes better photos than I do. I am learning to let go of jealousy and be genuinely happy for my mate. Thankfully, I only have had jealousy issues with my mate, and very rarely towards anyone else. My parents raised me to be appreciative for what I have as well as the knowledge that What I have is a direct result of what I earned. I can't be upset that someone earned something that I want but haven't yet earned for myself. 

Love doesn't boast, it isn't proud, it is not self-seeking... Wow. Do you know what this means? It means when you're genuinely loving someone, you will not be thinking about yourself. You think about what's best for them. You do things for them to show them your love and you don't do it for recognition or praise.

I hope you choose to truly love the important people in your life. Tonight, I'm wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas! I am starting the New Year out with some exciting news and projects, so stick around if you want to follow me on a fabulous adventure!

One Love,

Heathery

Kilt lifter~X post

I gave a spectacular show at the station today.

Before picking up my son from school I changed into a twirly, PTA friendly skirt. I picked up Chris and headed out to fill up my parched gas tank. We coasted into the gas station on a prayer and I gleefully swayed into pay for the fuel in which I was about to receive. I triumphantly walked back to my van, the warm breeze against me, making my hair do that perfect commercial thing... Girls know.. the diva fan. Anyway. It was a spectacular sight. Five dollars worth of fuel later (not much time at all) I realized I was feeling that fresh warm breeze somewhere else. Horrified, I felt behind me to find my twirly skirt was attempting to morph into a kite (no attached strings though Justin). I think the only thing that saved me from dying of embarrassment was the fact that I finally invested in nice undies, which I chose to wear today.

So, middle aged man who decided to keep staring and perversely smiling back and forth between me and your phone, glad I made your day better, hope I don't see a picture of that on the internet.

I'm changing into jeans.

Last night, my sweet, loving partner J turned into a zombie

Granted, he didn't resemble the lifeless mass of human flesh, void of emotion that one sees in their nightmares (No, I’m not talking about my ex husband), but it was dang close.

A little background: I wasn't raised watching horror movies, in fact, I was completely sheltered child. I am, however, naturally brave, surviving the pranks one endures being raised as the youngest child in a household that at any given time sheltered up to 16 children. The ONE paranormal thing that utterly horrifies me is ZOMBIES. Now, I was married to one of the biggest Walking Dead fans, and begrudgingly, started watching it myself. I grew to love that damn show and soon built up a tolerance to the graphic zombie content under specific conditions. The lights had to be on and I had to watch it during the day so I had time to purge my mind of the horror. Simple rules.

Before my partner and I started dating, we’d hang out as friends. THE VERY FIRST TIME we hung out, was late at night, downtown area of a little surf town in SoCal. The night was coming to a close and in the middle of our conversation about bands we liked; I caught the glimpse of a silhouetted, “dread-head’ figure, about 15 feet from us, limping closer and closer. The blood drained from my face and I froze in a panic. I was able to gather my wits and explained to my very confused friend, that I was deathly afraid of zombies. Fast Forward, we start dating and I have among my top rules are; don’t cheat on me, don’t act like a zombie, and no zombie movies before bed. Fast forward again; I’ll give you one guess as to what J thought would be a great idea to do last night.

I walked into our room to see my sweet partner looking through our movie selection. I wasn't really in the mood to watch a movie; I wanted… a completely different activity. But I figured I wouldn't say anything since I had already gotten what I wanted just an hour prior. So I settled under my comforter, ready for J to hop into bed and snuggle up. It wasn't so bad realizing that the movie he selected was World War Z, I wasn't scared when we had watched it before, but then J thought it would be super funny to start mimicking the biting zombie actions. *Real Funny J*

I don’t know what possessed him to get up, but his movements and my heightened state of panic set in resulting in him receiving several swift kicks to his stomach. He quickly excused himself to the bathroom... Leaving me alone… in bed, with a scary ****ing zombie on the screen and I couldn't get up to turn it off because I just KNEW that now there was probably a zombie in my room and, logically, I was safer in bed.

WTF did you Eat J!

I don’t know if you've ever been in a heightened alert state, but when I am, I become aware of every noise, and slight movements that surround me. Due to that fact, I was all too aware of the horrors happening to J in the next room. Oh, the sound of his agonizing moans. Ooooh… the sound of his vital organs dropping out of his body, like machine gun rounds dropping in a war zone. There was nothing I could do, after all, I had to stay alive for my helpless children peacefully sleeping down the hall.

The entire Zombie transformation took a total of about 15 minutes. Then my zombified partner reentered our bedroom, walking a little funny and trailing the smell of death behind him. Being a thoughtful (still living) girlfriend, I thought I'd test to see if a part of my sweet boyfriend was still alive. I pointed out his obvious oversight (oversmell?). He responded by attempting to place the blame on my sweet little girls by saying that aerosol room deodorant was gone and nothing could be done. That was all the proof I needed. My J would have turned on the fan and closed the door to trap the foul, death stench.  That's when I realized that I dealing with a clever new breed of zombie that kills its prey, not by biting, but by suffocation. 

The good news is that the zombie effects have since worn off and from what I can tell, J is back to his wonderful self. Even Better news, I finally know what to get him for Christmas this year! 

Cheers!

Summer Updates!

Last month I decided to surprise my partner by dying my naturally golden locks to a dark shade of red and brown, however I was the one surprised when he looked at me with pity and exclaimed that he didn't like it... it reminded him of his ex wife! SHIT! I didn't break up with him over the comparison to his ex, though I momentarily considered it. Don't get me wrong, she's pretty and all, but who likes being compared to another woman, let alone an ex? I have been so busy that I haven't gotten around to removing the color, until right now. My son is at school and my oldest daughter and I are taking a "recess" from her home school studies long enough for her to watch PBS' "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood" and me to make my natural, "dear lord please let this work" hair dye removal mixture. While my mixture is setting, I thought I may ignore my breakfast dishes to update this little outlet of mine.

My partner and I had his kids for a couple weeks this summer. What a blast! I learned soooooo much about Minecraft and yet there is so much more to learn. You know the scene in "Being John Malkovich" where John Malkovich goes inside his own brain and all anyone says is "Malkovich... Malkovich malkovich malkovich"? 

Well... Replace "Malkovich" with "Minecraft" and you have the nearly complete diary of my summer. 

J took his kids and I to Vegas where I met his mother, sister and her family. Unfortunately, the heat of the day proved to be too much for my dehydrated body and wasn't able to enjoy my time there as much as I would have liked. His family was very welcoming and I am looking forward to deepening our relationships. :) 

J and I overlooking the strip outside of New York-New York Hotel and Casino.

J and I got some time on the strip. We found our way to the empty top floor of The Rainforest Cafe where we canoodled under the faux forest canopy. We'd randomly stop and slow dance while walking the strip, we drank coffee at Jean Philippe Patisserie while listening to a pianist and people watching. Then, when my feet were sore from walking in heels the entire time, my man picked me up and carried me back to the car. Forget chivalry, J is just down right romantic. 

While in Vegas, my co-worker called to notify me that the restaurant we worked for suddenly closed, but everything happens for a reason and I was able to take the time I needed for other things. I had a procedure done to remove the cancer cells in my cervix, got registered for my fall classes and spent time running essential errands, bonded with J's kids and got ready for my children to return home.

This summer had many family adventures including the San Diego Fair, Seaworld, days spent playing in the pool, hikes and science discovery centers (see pics at the bottom)... but the one adventure I was ecstatic about, was my trip to the East Coast to pick up my kiddos from their Dad's house. I took the bus to catch the train to the airport.  I'm not used to public transportation, and I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed meeting new people and listening to whatever stories they chose to divulge. I may have to take buses more often.

My kiddos were very excited to see me and I was able to give them lots of snuggles before crashing out on my ex's couch. My ex had to work so I packed up the kiddos' belongings and got them loaded up. Their dad fixed us dinner and I did a small photoshoot of him and the kids before taking off home. Three days in the car with three kids and I didn't even get a dern t-shirt! BUT what I did get is the solidification that my kids are AMAZING!   

My son, the "Co-Pilot" had the same sense of urgency to return to our West Coast home as I did. The reason? The kids and I were due to arrive home on a Friday night and our town's schools systems returned to school the following Monday. StigKidC just couldn't wait to get back home to play with "[his] brothers". StigKidG and StigKidA both took to J's daughter as their "sister" as well. It's almost a dream how well they all get along. 

My girls... The "Floaty Sisters"

J's kiddos are back with their mom and our little condo is feeling a little bit bigger (quite like the electric bill). J, StigKidC and I are very much looking forward to catching J's oldest son's weekly baseball games. :) J got some awesome news at work, and that means we may be moving... Good thing I decided to get my degree online instead of a brick and mortar. I now have the freedom to go anywhere, follow my heart, without having to interrupt my education (again).

Life keeps constantly moving and I am loving each and every day. On a mushy note, I've found my happiness. I found a man who stands beside me, a man who brings out the best in me and nurtures my soul. We can lay next to each other and talk for hours about things like universal energy, quantum mechanics, book ideas, random acts of kindness and how we can make this world a better place. He dances with me... all the time and he makes me laugh. I am so grateful that, today, for however long it lasts (I'm counting on forever), he is in my life. I am thankful that he is an amazing father figure for my children and looks out for them, plays with them, the same as his own. I am surprised when he uses words like "we" "us" and "our" when discussing his future. Yes... Our future. Our plans. Our family. Our happiness.

Oh how sweet it is. :) 

"Christians"

I'm having a rough day. I have a gentle heart and I can't seem to let people's ignorant, hurtful comments and jabs just roll off my back. If we haven't even had a conversation, or met in person, what makes someone think they know enough about me to justify their less-than-kind behavior toward me?

Also, unless I'm doing something that negatively and directly affects someone else, why should they have ANY interest in the goings on of my life?! It's mind-boggling to me the number of people who say they "Know about my situation", they "Already know" this or that... Unless You hear it DIRECTLY from me, assume you know NOTHING.

You know what's even worse? Most of the negativity I have in my life is brought there by people who call themselves Christians. I am a Christ follower. Aren't we supposed to be sharing God's Love and be a candle to the world? I am not seeing people act like that too often! I see a bunch of gossipy, judgmental, rude, and spiteful people walking around trying to even some invisible scoreboard and I am getting frustrated!

*DEEP BREATH*

Okay... Tell ya what. To the few people who have tried to bring be down, I'm no longer giving you space in my head. You don't deserve my time. To the two women who have insulted my looks... You both are as pretty on the outside as you are on the inside, so maybe you should take a good hard look in the mirror before calling me a "5".  It looks as though I may have to continue to have you in my life, so I pray you can stop wasting your time throwing digs in my direction and learn to focus and be happy with yourself... because you're obviously not and I feel sad for you.

To the rude and gossipy people who have entered my life, WATCH OUT, because I'm going to go out of my way to do something nice for you. Maybe it's been a while since someone has been kind to you. Maybe you need an example or a reminder of how we should treat each other. I'm going to be that example for ya.

Since this is MY blog and I can do with it as I please, I'm going to take away the ammo for future hateful rebuttals.

I am a Christian, and like EVERYONE, I am a sinner (see NIV Romans 3:23).
My Misgivings are as follows:

• I have been cheated on and cheated back. 
• I have unmartial sex (at least once a day). 
• I have had more than one sex partner.
• I entered a relationship with a man during the required 6 month separation period of my divorce.
• I have lied approximately 50 times in my life (including calling in sick to work, and white lies about why I was late). 
• I have said "God-Dammit" and "Jesus" when I haven't been praying. as well as a few other broken commandments 
• I have hated someone.
• I have wished death on someone... heck, a few people.
• I have trouble forgiving certain things and certain people.
• I have an affinity for inappropriate, nighttime behavior in church parking lots (If they are churches of another religion I won' burn in hell will I?)

I am constantly changing and becoming a better, cleaner soul. I prefer to learn from my mistakes, but not dwell on them. If I think I can help someone by sharing my past with them, I will. If someone wants to know me better and asks about my past, I will answer honestly. Other than that, I try to leave my past with my God, live for today and build for my future.

La-La-La-La Life Goes On!

Goodness Gracious! It's been WAY too long since I've have time to post. Really, I don't have the time now, but I figured I'd start writing and see how far I get.

I MOVED!!! I sorted and packed up a two story, four bedroom, two and a half bath home and moved into a tiny 2 bedroom upstairs apartment. *Whew* It's crowded, but I hear that love grows best in little houses (If you don't know the song I'm referencing, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xCdyMq6z1c).

I happened to meet and become friends with some prominent members in our new town who just LOVE introducing me to everyone and are helping me adjust and settle into the area. My multimedia business took a hit as I chose to focus on family life and moving, so I picked up a part time job, working nights at a cantina to
help supplement the income until I can reestablish my business. I'm learning the ropes pretty quick 

Posing with some of my friends at my new job!

considering I had only ever been a hostess before, when I was 15, and now I'm working the kitchen and Bar! Everyone's pretty friendly and I love the shocked look on people's faces when I tell them I'm nearly 30. I honestly had no idea I looked young. I get 21 and 22 year olds guys asking me out and drinking all night just to flirt. It's great for my ego, especially after years of feeling old and worn down. I have a fresh smile on my face and I highly doubt it's going anywhere anytime soon. *Knock on wood*

My ex (XH from here on out) got his new duty station, teaching his MOS to others at the MOS school on the East Coast. He worked very hard to be able to do this and I am very proud of him! He'll be taking the kids for the summer. I'm weirded out, determined to work EXTRA hard in order to distract myself from thinking about not being with my babies everyday. I am also very excited for my son, "StigKidC". He is floored at the thought of living so close to Washington DC. He can't wait to see the Lincoln Memorial and the White House. My girls are very attached to me, so I genuinely hope they don't give their dad too much trouble... at the same time that I do. XH had the attitude that I should be able to run our business, be a full time mommy AND keep the house up. Hey, some women can, I am not one of those women, and I am very much hoping for an admission from XH that caring for children and working full time is a hard task indeed. However, I will not be holding my breath for an apology, nor do I require one.

My new business manager assisting on a shoot!

Oh, I finally got a business manager, which should help ease my work load. He'll be helping book, set up shoots, collect payments and since he's a photographer as well, I'll most likely be hiring him as a second shooter. He has already helped me on a few shoots and I couldn't be happier with his work and professionalism. It's wedding season so I am very blessed to have found him before all my wedding shoots.

                       

                       Playing catch up on April and May

The day after I moved into my apartment, I was involved in a hit and run accident. A guy ran a red light , hit me and then sped off. It took three weeks to fix up my van, but she's back good as new. Poor Stella.

I dyed my hair red! *Gasp* I love this vivacious, flirty color!

The end of April rang in a very exciting milestone in my family. I am now the mother of a nine and two year old! My oldest, "StigKidC" and youngest, "StigKidA", share a birthday! 

My Washington Bestie and her hubby came to visit! It was great seeing some familiar faces!