Pop the Champagne!

My sweet husband and I try to dance together every day. One evening last year, I put on a song, one of my favorite, for us to enjoy.

I feel his gentle hands rest upon my waist, his adoring gaze mirrored by my own. The music begins. 

"I don't get many things right the first time" ... his smile widens and his head nods subtly in agreement.

"And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face, now I see it everyday, and I know That I am... The luckiest." He takes a deep breath, as if he is feeling the full capacity of his lung for the first time and quietly speaks, "This should be our first dance song. This is us." 

We continue to dance and he continues to listen to the rest of the song, chuckling at the similarities between the 'what if' scenario illustrated in the lyrics and our own conversations. He holds me closer than ever to his body and I can't help but to feel that's reflective of his emotions. He speaks the words "I love you" but before he lets me go he whispers, "I am the luckiest". 

J and I had initially planned a fancy wedding with about a hundred guests for this December, but the pressure and expense of a traditional wedding just didn't appeal to us. We called off the wedding with no intention of setting another date. One evening in late October I was up visiting my family in Washington State when I got a phone call from J. In our conversation he said he wanted to marry me when I came back home, no frills, no expense, just the two of us committing to spend the rest of our lives driving each other crazy. Well, Who could say no to that?

Two days before our ceremony I got an email from the company I ordered my dress from, saying the trucking company that was delivering my dress was involved in an accident and my dress was ruined. With only two days, there was no time to find another dress. I cried. My sweet love tried his best to console me and was finally able to remind me that he was marrying me, not a dress.

I had another dress that I had worn to our ball but I had lost a little weight and it needed to be taken in. I was able to find a seamstress to do the alterations rush but I wouldn't be able to pick it up until 10am on the day of our wedding. Knowing how lucky I was finding someone on such short notice, I didn't feel I had much of a choice. The day of our wedding, J and I went to pick it up and he insisted I try it on before we leave. I am reluctant because we are already cutting it close on time. He persisted and gave me "the look", The look of determination and a spine of steel. I sighed in defeat and stepped into the changing room. I stepped into my gown and tried to zip up the sides only to find, the zipper wouldn't budge! J had them fix it on the spot (which took another twenty minutes). I used the time to do my makeup and try not to cry over the remark that my seamstress made that I "must have eaten too much at Christmas". It's funny now, not too funny in the stress of the moment though.

We said our vows in an intimate ceremony the day after Christmas. I laughed when my husband recanted our first meeting, first date, and inside jokes and I cried when he vowed to pursue me until his dying day.

Photo Credit: Iconic Images

Although I was against it initially, we exchanged rings. My J wanted to have a token of our love to show. I rarely ever wear mine as I work hard with my hands, constantly sanding, painting, or scrubbing something, but the swell of pride I see on my sweet husband when he notices me wearing it is well worth the compromise of buying it.

Talking to our families before the ceremony.

We set up a video conference with our families so they could witness our ceremony.

J's Vows made me cry.

Jumping for Joy: We're married!

Our dear friends and witnesses

                  

We chose not to have our children at our initial ceremony, which we had quite a few remarks about. Although I don't need to explain the reasoning behind our decision, I want to. 

We believe that in a marriage, God comes first, spouse comes second and children come after. The Bible tells us that when we are married we become ONE with our spouse. Children are not to be the center of the home; God is. Children are a gift from God, they are on loan for parents to train up to be responsible, productive, and moral individuals.When children leave the home, many couples feel the sting of the empty nest and a spouse who they have neglected to invest in. 

J and I value our time with our children, and recognize that our marriage joins together two families as one, but inevitably, our marriage, the conception and maintenance of our union, is our responsibility, not theirs. 

J and I were able to spend the the entire week beforehand with all seven of our babies, and since we plan on renewing our vows annually, they will have more than plenty of opportunities to be involved in celebrating our marriage with us.

Our first meal as husband and wife? Sushi (of course)!

Looking forward to a lifetime of wedded bliss. 

For step parents who may be seeking advice, I found this article helpful when searching for my place in my partner and bonus kiddo's lives:

http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/remarriage/staying-married/placing-your-spouse-in-the-front-seat-of-your-heart#.VQhp5o7F98E

The beautiful photos of our ceremony and dinner reception were taken by my dear friend and fellow photographer, Chrissie, of Bella Luce Photography. As a photographer, I place a high value on photos. The very first phone call after booking my venue and date was to book my photographer, and I am so glad I did. We get to savor these precious memories for the rest of our lives. 

"SOMEDAY" When Exactly is That Again?

I come off as a brave woman, but the truth is, given my history with men, I had been afraid of giving my heart completely to another person just to be emotionally destroyed. I'm tough, but having to start over last time sent me into a dark depression that I just don't want to have to experience again. The last few months, However, some things have changed. 

After over five years of pain and anger, I have been able to finally forgive my ex husband which left so much more room in my heart for the amazing things God has planned for me.

Justin and I started off the year by regularly attending church and diving back into seeking God. Justin said he has learned so much about how to be a man and how God wants him to treat me. I love being with a man who has a heart for God. 

I realized that out of bitterness, I had come to institutionalize rather than honor the sanctity of marriage. Because I had been so deeply hurt in my last marriage, I formed the perspective that marriage is just a piece of paper where two people get different tax exemptions for merging their lives. In my mind, when you love someone, when you live with someone, when you join households and raise children with someone, the government should just keep out of it. Well... Loving God the way I do, I know what his word says. Marriage isn't between two people, when you're a Christian, Marriage is a covenant between two people AND GOD. Marriage is about faith, not numbers. 

Being completely open with you, the last two weeks have laid a heavy burden on my heart. Yes, It's true I'm a nympho, but I'm a nympho with a conscience and deep roots in my faith. I am of the firm belief that it's God's plan for his people to get married before engaging in sexual activities. I'm not married and have been engaging HEAVILY in sexual activities. That's not a "whoops"... I didn't accidentally fall naked on top of his manhood, I have been directly violating God's word. Justin and I love each other as man and wife. People mistakenly refer to me as Justin's wife and he doesn't correct them; He says he views me as his wife and I respond by saying that's a title that I haven't earned. He rebuttals that I will be someday. 

After talking with two of my friends that are about to get engaged, one dating a few months longer than J and I , and another started dating long after J and I... I'm genuinely happy for both of them, not even jealous a little. I know Justin and I are working on our own timeline. We have so many goals we want to accomplish before entering marriage again, the thing of it is, I want more than a promise. Words have a face value, ACTION is my love language. Justin says he wants to marry me, someday, I don't want to rush to the alter, but it was time we sat down to figure out just WHEN someday placed in our timeline. 

Being the logical (read: nerdy) people we are, Justin and I literally drew out our ideal timelines and shared them with each other. They were so stinking similar, except for one thing... getting engaged. My ideal timeline includes getting engaged between now and right after I graduate (in about 19 months), have a longer engagement where we save up for our dream wedding and honeymoon, Justin retires and then we get married. Side note: Getting married after retirement stems from me telling him from the start I don't want to marry a Marine. Getting to know him, I realize he's not a typical Marine, so I wouldn't even mind marrying him before he retires. In Justin's ideal timeline, engagement comes about a year before the wedding and in that time we fit in relationship counseling and marriage preparation classes. He says he wants to do it right this time and set us up for success. Over the last few months, he had kept mentioning that he isn't quite ready for marriage (Which I happen to agree with). I know my reasons for not feeling quite ready (I want to focus on my education and job and continue to build my multimedia empire, getting married would decrease my federal funding, J and my kids are working on their emotional bonds, we need to work out our differences in parenting styles), but I wanted to hear his reasons. His two issues are:

• He doesn't feel like he can provide for me while in debt (I definitely agree that we should start off marriage debt free).
• He's afraid of "screwing things up with [me]" and wants to take marriage and relationship classes to help learn how to be the best husband possible. 

I don't feel we should wait until a year before marriage to engage in relationship/family counseling. That's been something I've been bringing up since October last year. So we'll be starting counseling at the end of spring sports (right before summer) and regularly attend until we get married (probably after as well). 

My heart belongs to Justin already, that shouldn't shock anyone. we've known for a while that we were headed toward to alter, it's just nice to have a timeline. If you're a close friend or family reading this, look for your Save-The-Date invites to our fall 2021 wedding on a mountain lodge TBD. Hope to see you there. :) 

Stop Talking About The Bible? (X-Post)

News Link here,
You know what really grinds my gears?

In this age of tolerance and diversity, public school educators seem to be under the impression that they can bully and intimidate Christian boys and girls. I'm a dedicated advocate for celebrating diversity and expressing what individuals view to be important. Celebrating diversity is allegedly promoted in schools, and yet there is no tolerance for members of the Christian faith to express their views in school. 

I could have sworn this country was built on the pursuit of religious freedom. I am Christian, I am open to the discussion of other beliefs (yes, even in schools). This is not the first time I've heard of our educational system denying Christian religious freedoms. If the school had this same situation play out with a child of any other faith, there would be an uprising of scrutiny on the media.

I respect all Muslim people, Christian people, and Buddhist people. I respect J.W's, LDS, Atheist, Agnostic, and Wiccan people and I even respect satan worshipping people. You know what I don't respect? People who try to deny constitutional rights. And guess what? Any policy that suppresses free speech violates our constitutional rights.

~TheStigMom (one Butthurt-Christian-American)

Exes and Ohs

This is a conversation my ex and I had a while ago. I'm sharing it today as I believe it's a good example how two people can still be friendly and lift each other up, even after they're no longer together.  It starts with his text:

My reply?

***,

I got your message today. I wanted to tell you... as the father of my children and my friend, I love you too. You have to know that you have driven me insane over the last eleven years together, but I am certain you feel the same about me! Those little quirks... the fights... the love... the most amazing kids in the world, have all combined to shape us into the people we are today, and you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

You are a good guy and I wish you nothing but success in all you seek to accomplish, happiness and the ability to separate yourself from work to appreciate the finer things in life, and MOST importantly, I wish you Love. True, Your next girl won't be as awesome as I am ;) but I know, when you find one you want to be serious with, she'll (he?) be worth it.

Man... Divorce is tough. There aren't many rules and I feel like the California Legal system was designed by a blue falcon (if you know what I mean). None the less, we're creating a good path. There have been some bumps in the road and I anticipate more bumps in the future, however, we're connected by the amazing bond we created through our children... for the rest of our lives (or until one of us dies.. you're older, just sayin')

To some things up *** Elgie, I'll use the words of a wise man. "I have been, and always shall be, your friend." (Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)

………………………………………………………………………………

All good things come with love.  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (NIV) 

Let's dive into this, shall we... Love is patient/it is not easily angered, I am not. I expect everything to be done in a timely manner and done right. However, Love is teaching me to be more patient.

Love is KIND/Love isn't rude. I know I have said things that have been unkind, even rude to others, even our mates. After having a heart to heart with J, I found out that I had unintentionally been rude to him by being overly honest in my opinion of his religion. Here all along I have been striving to be open minded and seeking equality for all beliefs and ways of life, and yet I was rude to the closest person to me. I know I've certainly said rude things to my ex, especially in his choice of sexual partners and parenting skills. Well, I now realize that his partners aren't my concern, in fact, only SOME of his choices regarding our children are of my concern. The hardest test will be coming next summer when he has the kids. I have to trust his parenting and not criticize his techniques or be so hard on him when he isn't a perfect parent. He hasn't been the primary parent in their lives so how can I expect him to know everything that took me until now to learn? I can't!

Love doesn't envy. Well now... My little green eyed monster used to raise it's head when my ex would get a night out and I'd be stuck with the kids all day.. Then my jealousy grew to him having a life and friends outside the house, his work was his escape. I wanted to work outside the home, but we could never afford daycare. I wanted a life and friends too. I had given up my life, my home, my family and friends when my ex joined the Marines four years into our marriage. That was his choice, and now I had to give up everything where I was alone... and HE got a break? I found it very difficult NOT to be jealous. Now, in my current relationship, I am only jealous that my partner's strengths are my weaknesses. He is "wicked smart" in areas I struggle to understand. He retains information, and sometimes... JUST sometimes, he takes better photos than I do. I am learning to let go of jealousy and be genuinely happy for my mate. Thankfully, I only have had jealousy issues with my mate, and very rarely towards anyone else. My parents raised me to be appreciative for what I have as well as the knowledge that What I have is a direct result of what I earned. I can't be upset that someone earned something that I want but haven't yet earned for myself. 

Love doesn't boast, it isn't proud, it is not self-seeking... Wow. Do you know what this means? It means when you're genuinely loving someone, you will not be thinking about yourself. You think about what's best for them. You do things for them to show them your love and you don't do it for recognition or praise.

I hope you choose to truly love the important people in your life. Tonight, I'm wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas! I am starting the New Year out with some exciting news and projects, so stick around if you want to follow me on a fabulous adventure!

One Love,

Heathery

Let's talk God.

John Fugelsang delightfully articulates our shared view on God. What an entertaining, friendly conversation between two individuals with differing opinions. 

I enjoy conversing, exchanging personal beliefs and ideas in open forums, so please, if you're easily offended by what I post on my page, realize that YOU alone are responsible for your reactions. Please realize that will never push my personal views on anyone. My only intent is to share my views and experiences. Please feel free to turn this into a friendly conversation, whether you agree or disagree.

I believe in and seek God, NOT specific religions. I do believe in the holy trinity and I do find comfort in certain books of the bible, the same as I do reading the Torah, Quran, Avesta, The Vedas, and Pali Canon collection.

The bible, over time, has been mistranslated and changes dictated by those in power. Reading the bible in it's original text is quite an eye opener, and while I recommend it, I also recommend reading with the consideration that it was written by MEN, it has biases and illustrates views and laws of the times the books were written.

I believe in Jesus, but most people have the Sunday school version of a dude who died for sins and we celebrate birth and death, and that is just the surface of the guy I have come to know. In my youth, I read everything I could about the son of God. Whether you believe Jesus is the son of God or just a fictional character who is supposed to set a good example, the fact remains, the "character" of Jesus is that of a man did more than simply tolerate the outcast of his society. He shared meals, he washed their feet, he served them, he healed them, he never judged them, You know what he DID? LOVED them.

Do you want to know what made Jesus mad?

Those who hurt children. “If you harm one of these little ones, better for you that a millstone be draped around your neck and you be dropped into the depths of the sea” (Luke 17:2).

Self-righteous judgmentalism. As He drove out the money-changers from the spaces normally dedicated to prayer for Gentiles as well as Jews, overturning their tables, He cried out the words of Isaiah: “My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations.” Oh... I'm sorry... Did you get that... ALL NATIONS.

Essentially, the example Jesus sets for us to follow is, be a light to the world, love your brother, take care of children, and don't be an asshole. Religious sects of all kinds could learn a thing or two.

*steps off pulpit* Happy Tuesday Y'all!

"Christians"

I'm having a rough day. I have a gentle heart and I can't seem to let people's ignorant, hurtful comments and jabs just roll off my back. If we haven't even had a conversation, or met in person, what makes someone think they know enough about me to justify their less-than-kind behavior toward me?

Also, unless I'm doing something that negatively and directly affects someone else, why should they have ANY interest in the goings on of my life?! It's mind-boggling to me the number of people who say they "Know about my situation", they "Already know" this or that... Unless You hear it DIRECTLY from me, assume you know NOTHING.

You know what's even worse? Most of the negativity I have in my life is brought there by people who call themselves Christians. I am a Christ follower. Aren't we supposed to be sharing God's Love and be a candle to the world? I am not seeing people act like that too often! I see a bunch of gossipy, judgmental, rude, and spiteful people walking around trying to even some invisible scoreboard and I am getting frustrated!

*DEEP BREATH*

Okay... Tell ya what. To the few people who have tried to bring be down, I'm no longer giving you space in my head. You don't deserve my time. To the two women who have insulted my looks... You both are as pretty on the outside as you are on the inside, so maybe you should take a good hard look in the mirror before calling me a "5".  It looks as though I may have to continue to have you in my life, so I pray you can stop wasting your time throwing digs in my direction and learn to focus and be happy with yourself... because you're obviously not and I feel sad for you.

To the rude and gossipy people who have entered my life, WATCH OUT, because I'm going to go out of my way to do something nice for you. Maybe it's been a while since someone has been kind to you. Maybe you need an example or a reminder of how we should treat each other. I'm going to be that example for ya.

Since this is MY blog and I can do with it as I please, I'm going to take away the ammo for future hateful rebuttals.

I am a Christian, and like EVERYONE, I am a sinner (see NIV Romans 3:23).
My Misgivings are as follows:

• I have been cheated on and cheated back. 
• I have unmartial sex (at least once a day). 
• I have had more than one sex partner.
• I entered a relationship with a man during the required 6 month separation period of my divorce.
• I have lied approximately 50 times in my life (including calling in sick to work, and white lies about why I was late). 
• I have said "God-Dammit" and "Jesus" when I haven't been praying. as well as a few other broken commandments 
• I have hated someone.
• I have wished death on someone... heck, a few people.
• I have trouble forgiving certain things and certain people.
• I have an affinity for inappropriate, nighttime behavior in church parking lots (If they are churches of another religion I won' burn in hell will I?)

I am constantly changing and becoming a better, cleaner soul. I prefer to learn from my mistakes, but not dwell on them. If I think I can help someone by sharing my past with them, I will. If someone wants to know me better and asks about my past, I will answer honestly. Other than that, I try to leave my past with my God, live for today and build for my future.