Not in the clear yet.

Last week I got a phone call from my old doctor telling me that I need to come in for more tests. I had to tell him that I was no longer covered under the same insurance and couldn't be seen there anymore. He urged me to find a new doctor and assured me they'd send over my files so I could continue my tests and treatments on schedule. I thanked them and got on with my busy day. But something built up inside of me. ANXIETY. I am so tired of tests and little surgeries and the aches and pains that comes with it all. I am so afraid that this time, my doctors will say I need a hysterectomy or that cancer cells are spreading. This is such a frustrating cycle.

A few days after the call, my partner came home from being in the field and I ended up crying to him, feeling like a wimp. He held me, listened to me feel sorry for myself, listened to my fears, how I don't want to keep fighting when I'm only going in circles, how even though I have my tubes tied, I'm afraid of losing the ability to carry children ripped away from me (because however against it I am now, someday, I *may* want to try for one more with the man I love) and when I was through, he pried my face up with his hands and told me that no matter what I felt like doing, it's important that I continue to FIGHT... for as little or long as it will take because my children need a mother and he is counting on growing old with me.

I closed my eyes and more tears drained out, but this time they were of relief and even joy. I am such a lucky girl to have such an incredible man help dress me in proverbial armor and ready me for war. He was beside me the last three procedures and he's still beside me, prepared for whatever may come.

Sometimes I can get caught up in the moment. Sometimes I feel like giving up on the struggle and quitting. It makes all the difference in the world to have people in my life who love me and encourage me to keep in the fight.

Ladies: Please take the time to read the infographic below. Note the QR code at the bottom. Visit the page to find out if you qualify for free or reduced cost screenings. Prevention can save your life!

By My Side.

In an effort to spend time together during the week, my partner J and I will work side by side. Tonight I'm trying to finish a presentation for class and he is reworking our financial plan in an effort to pay off our debt four months earlier then planned.

Now some of you may think I'm absolutely bonkers for taking on debt, or rather, treating J's debt as mine.

"He got himself into this debt, he is a big boy, he can get himself out."

"You need to be focusing on yourself and your kids."

"He could just up and leave you and you'd have nothing to show for your investment."

If you know anything about me, it should be that money means very little to me. I happily live on the basics and find cheap, crafty ways to beautify my world. That said, lately I've had a steady income which I have been using to invest in my children and in J. I love J, we plan on getting married someday. Frankly, I don't want to marry a guy who is in debt or is financially inept. Been there, done that! I am just not prepared to settle on that one again.

I grew up in a home that budgeted every penny. I grew up earning everything I wanted. I tell my money where it needs to go, that is my normal. I am recently finding out that a lot of people didn't grow up budgeting and instead of being taught about saving for things, many people have been taught to buy it on credit. America, the land of instant gratification and insane national debt.

The way my partner tells it is that he was talked into a lot of his debt, or as he likes to call it his "stupid tax." The cause of the debt is neither here nor there as long as he owns up to having made poor choices and is intent on never making the same mistakes again. He definitely has learned and I see his intensity everyday, which makes helping improve his situation my pleasure. Then again, I'm the kind of person who believes in improving the world one person at a time.

I had to first focus on improving myself. If the only thing constant is change, consider me extremely consistent. I am continuing to improve my children's future by investing in their college savings, which leaves me able to improve the next closest person to me, a man who equally looks out for my well being. J has stepped up for me and has been my hero quite a few times. When we talk about when we're debt free and what we plan to spend our money on, it normally involves helping others, giving to homeless, and investing in properties for people trying to get back on track. If we don't end up getting married, even if we break up, I will never regret improving this man's quality of life because I know the good that will come from it. I am happy to report that our relationship has never been stronger, things are going according to plan. J is definitely worth the investment and I couldn't imagine anyone else by my side. 

Physical Fitness

I had recently posted a facebook status about my size and subsequent fitness goal which sparked many of my friends to message me about HOW I intend to lower my bodyfat percentage. THE single most important tip I can pass along is this: Abs are made in the kitchen! In order to keep our bodies in shape, a minimum workout of 30 minutes and nutritious meals are essential!

As a single, work-from-home mommy, I simply can not afford a gym membership or daycare and the free crossfit gyms nearby don't allow young children so for now, I'm a workout-from-home mommy as well. I also have the added bonus issue of battling hemorrhoids that surgery hasn't fixed, which means I need to alter my workouts so I don't end up walking like I stick up my butt. FUN, right?!

Anyway, I find these sets of workouts have the least amount of impact while still producing the results I'm looking for. If you try them, let me know how they work for you.

I'm not quite where I want to be, but I'm getting there!

In the evenings I alternate ballet, yoga, homework, backrubs, "hand holding" and epsom salt soaks. Working out is not something I have all day to do, nor do I WANT to, but it is something that I love doing intermittently throughout my day.

Do you know that working out with your partner can lead to better sex? Oh yeah... I went there. My partner and I do many activities together, working out is one of the activities that I attribute our awesome sex life to (the other is our spiritual connection that I'll likely cover in a future post). Building better bodies through exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, you know, the stuff that makes you feel good. Fellow Washingtonians, instead of picking up pot, why not try picking up some kettlebells and get naturally high!

Now, I'm going to show you photos of my weightloss journey, including photos of me before I lost all this weight... ready? I'm not! *Deep Breath* Here we go.

August 2011, 4 months after my youngest was born. I'm on the far left. Size 14 

September 2011, Size 10

April 2012 Size 6/7

Nov 2012 Size 5/6

July 2013 Size 4 (finally comfortable enough to show my belly)

Oh man. It's so hard looking at photos of me being so heavy. Honestly, my marriage was in BIG trouble and I was inspired to lose the weight. My (now ex) husband would come home and I'd take off for a jog. I'd jog for hours all around my neighborhood. I'd jog with my dear friend Vanessa. I used jogging and working out as additional therapy and boy, looking back, I'm glad I did. My marital issues ended up in divorce, but on the positive side, I am happier and healthier than I have ever been. GO ME!!! And guess what? If I could do this, with all the obstacles that tried to stand in my way SO CAN YOU!!! 

Dinner is Served, Yo!

(Justin's mother's Chicken Adobo Recipe)

Last month's holidays were in full swing. My partner Justin is a United States Marine and was in the field for a week. I had just come home from my girlfriend's home when I got a message from Justin's father that he was in town and was hoping he could come deliver Christmas presents for his grandchildren. I was admittedly a little nervous as it would be the first time meeting Justin's father in person and my sweetheart was still gone. EEEK! About an hour after I finalized arrangements with J's father, J messaged me and said he was on his way home. The race was on. Who was going to arrive at our place first? I happily welcomed J home about an hour before his father and step-mother arrived! *J refers to his step-mom as "mom" so from here on out that's how I'll refer to her*.

What a relief that J's Dad and Mom are incredibly warm people. During our visit Justin shared a funny incident where he attempted to make Chicken Adobo, but ended up with a vinegar soaked concoction that no one wanted to eat. He then asked his mom for her Chicken Adobo recipe and instead of just giving it to him, she insisted on teaching me, BONUS!

I've since made this a few times for J and thought I'd share it with you. It's incredibly easy to make, but a little high on the sodium because of all the soy sauce that is used. This measures out to about 10 servings so it's great for large families like ours.


Ingredients:
*6-8 large chicken thighs
*About an inch of ginger root, thinly sliced
*3/4 glove of garlic, minced
*1 lb carrots, chopped into thick pieces
*2 onions, chopped into thick pieces
*6 small potatoes, chopped into thick pieces (I usually chop one potato into 6 pieces)
*3 handfuls of fresh green beans (honestly, I love green beans so I usually use about 5 handfuls)
*soy sauce
*pepper (I use a pepper mill for optimum taste)
*salt
*1 tbs sugar

Directions

Justin was in the kitchen helping me today and decided to freeze our carrots to make them a little crispier, but soon forgot about them... so we had to thaw them before adding them to our stew. J, It's said a WOMAN'S place is in the kitchen for a reason, mainly so veggies don't get turned into science experiments!

It's easiest to have your ingredients prep'ed. 

1.Use a large pot, put on the stove over low heat, add a small amount of oil and minced garlic.Stir. 

2.Once the garlic has turned to a golden brown color, add the sliced ginger. Cook until the ginger is the same color as the garlic, stirring occasionally. 

3. Stir in chicken thighs. Once the thighs are covered in the garlic and ginger add about a cup of soy sauce, 4 shakes of a salt shaker and about a tbs of pepper (about 12 turns on MY pepper mill). Stir the chicken to an even mixture.

4. Turn up the heat to medium and cook uncovered.

5. When the meant is almost completely cooked, add onions, stir, add about a half cup of soy sauce and simmer for about 5-10 minutes.

6. Sprinkle sugar then stir in carrots and potatoes, cover your pot and let it cook for another 5-10 minutes (or until potatoes are halfway cooked), stirring occasionally. 

7. Taste test your broth. Add more seasoning and soy sauce to suit your taste. Add green beans, cover and simmer on low heat for 10 minutes (or until potatoes and beans are cooked to your preferred consistency). 

*The Chicken Adobo is ready. You can eat this meal as is, but J and I prefer to serve it over a bed of rice*

Good Gracious, I am dating a sexy man! 

(Okay J, you can stay in the kitchen)

YUM!

Changes

With seven children in our home, my partner J and I decided to celebrate the New Year with the East Coasters. I finished up my nightly portion of homework with four minutes to spare and we ran downstairs to join our wonderful neighbor’s celebration. Casually ringing in the New Year with my sweetheart’s lips on mine, toasting with dear friends and laughing with our children was honestly one of the best holidays I've ever had. 

J and I are absolutely GIDDY about our future together. We've started merging more of our life together and preparing for a life of debt free living, investing and travel. I’m over the moon to have found a man who is everything I could ever ask for.  Instead of aimlessly spending all of our income, J and I came up with a plan to give us direction.  We started by laying our all of our debt, smallest to largest; by using an Excel spreadsheet that shows us how long it will take us to be debt free. Along with our financial goals, J and I came up with a year full of monthly progressive goals to accomplish. J will be sharing our financial goals on his blog, http://cswsiggy.blogspot.com/ and I’ll be updating on the progress of our other monthly goals here!

Here’s the layout of our monthly progressive goals we designed to enrich our lives as a couple.

I hope you had a fabulous New Year. I'm wishing you and yours a peaceful and prosperous 2014!

One Love,
Heathery

Exes and Ohs

This is a conversation my ex and I had a while ago. I'm sharing it today as I believe it's a good example how two people can still be friendly and lift each other up, even after they're no longer together.  It starts with his text:

My reply?

***,

I got your message today. I wanted to tell you... as the father of my children and my friend, I love you too. You have to know that you have driven me insane over the last eleven years together, but I am certain you feel the same about me! Those little quirks... the fights... the love... the most amazing kids in the world, have all combined to shape us into the people we are today, and you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

You are a good guy and I wish you nothing but success in all you seek to accomplish, happiness and the ability to separate yourself from work to appreciate the finer things in life, and MOST importantly, I wish you Love. True, Your next girl won't be as awesome as I am ;) but I know, when you find one you want to be serious with, she'll (he?) be worth it.

Man... Divorce is tough. There aren't many rules and I feel like the California Legal system was designed by a blue falcon (if you know what I mean). None the less, we're creating a good path. There have been some bumps in the road and I anticipate more bumps in the future, however, we're connected by the amazing bond we created through our children... for the rest of our lives (or until one of us dies.. you're older, just sayin')

To some things up *** Elgie, I'll use the words of a wise man. "I have been, and always shall be, your friend." (Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)

………………………………………………………………………………

All good things come with love.  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (NIV) 

Let's dive into this, shall we... Love is patient/it is not easily angered, I am not. I expect everything to be done in a timely manner and done right. However, Love is teaching me to be more patient.

Love is KIND/Love isn't rude. I know I have said things that have been unkind, even rude to others, even our mates. After having a heart to heart with J, I found out that I had unintentionally been rude to him by being overly honest in my opinion of his religion. Here all along I have been striving to be open minded and seeking equality for all beliefs and ways of life, and yet I was rude to the closest person to me. I know I've certainly said rude things to my ex, especially in his choice of sexual partners and parenting skills. Well, I now realize that his partners aren't my concern, in fact, only SOME of his choices regarding our children are of my concern. The hardest test will be coming next summer when he has the kids. I have to trust his parenting and not criticize his techniques or be so hard on him when he isn't a perfect parent. He hasn't been the primary parent in their lives so how can I expect him to know everything that took me until now to learn? I can't!

Love doesn't envy. Well now... My little green eyed monster used to raise it's head when my ex would get a night out and I'd be stuck with the kids all day.. Then my jealousy grew to him having a life and friends outside the house, his work was his escape. I wanted to work outside the home, but we could never afford daycare. I wanted a life and friends too. I had given up my life, my home, my family and friends when my ex joined the Marines four years into our marriage. That was his choice, and now I had to give up everything where I was alone... and HE got a break? I found it very difficult NOT to be jealous. Now, in my current relationship, I am only jealous that my partner's strengths are my weaknesses. He is "wicked smart" in areas I struggle to understand. He retains information, and sometimes... JUST sometimes, he takes better photos than I do. I am learning to let go of jealousy and be genuinely happy for my mate. Thankfully, I only have had jealousy issues with my mate, and very rarely towards anyone else. My parents raised me to be appreciative for what I have as well as the knowledge that What I have is a direct result of what I earned. I can't be upset that someone earned something that I want but haven't yet earned for myself. 

Love doesn't boast, it isn't proud, it is not self-seeking... Wow. Do you know what this means? It means when you're genuinely loving someone, you will not be thinking about yourself. You think about what's best for them. You do things for them to show them your love and you don't do it for recognition or praise.

I hope you choose to truly love the important people in your life. Tonight, I'm wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas! I am starting the New Year out with some exciting news and projects, so stick around if you want to follow me on a fabulous adventure!

One Love,

Heathery

The Blooming Fashionista

I am a Tom boy.
I was raised in the woods, grew up on a mountain bike and know how to track cougars, deer and bears. My entire life, I'd rather be hiking than doing anything else. I'd rather wrestle and box than shop or meet friends for coffee. I prefer jeans and Chuck Taylors

I'm in my native fashion element

over dresses and heels and I sure as heck didn't wear makeup. I haven't been much of a girl, so recently, I challenged myself to experiment with fashion, makeup, hair and cooking. Man... This stuff is so much harder than it looks.

 After numerous hours on Pinterest, finding looks I could put together with what I already had in my closet, then watching countless hair and makeup tutorials on Youtube I felt ready to experiment, One outfit a day {If you follow me on Instagram, you will have already seen a few of these}.

I had so much fun discovering new looks that I'm going to keep it up. Now if only my attempts at cooking went over as well!

I have curves and I've been afraid to use them

I feel utterly ridiculous in front of a camera

I love the bold fall colors
present in the skirt.

I love this little
mermaid inspired number.

My bold statement shirt,
paired with skinny jeans and heels. 

I have developed a friendship with stripes.

Very casual, perfect for a trip to our
community center and then to the park.

I had an oversized sweater to wrap up in.

Attempting to class up my normal look
by wearing a cuffed skinny jean
and layering my tops. 

I found this awesome guitar shirt at a thrift store and it inspired my "braidhawk".
 I had a lot of fun rocking this outfit.

My Halloween costume is figure flattering.
Can you guess what I am?

Today's inspiration stems from the French matelot.
Striped shirt tucked into my suit pants.

Beautiful But Sad Things.

I usually only read books that are scientifically/mathematically based with the exception of poetry. The last two years, however, my heart has been in search of new foundations and I've been inclined to step out of my comfort zone to try new things.

I picked up this book and read in one day. Of all the words, of all the passages, I found a piece of myself in this sentence; "I’ve always had a terrible weakness for beautiful but sad things." (Sylvain Reynard, Gabriel's Inferno)

How true to me. I try to help homeless when I can, my career path is to help children in bad situations and all my life I've always tried to heal the broken and help the lost find purpose. Doing those things for others is actually quite selfish of me. You see, those little acts that help bring light to others, helps keep my own demons at bay.

Everyday I wage an all out war on loneliness. Most days I win the battle, still I wonder, not IF, but WHEN my war will end.

My God is faithful. My God doesn't just love, he IS love. I know I am never alone.

Kilt lifter~X post

I gave a spectacular show at the station today.

Before picking up my son from school I changed into a twirly, PTA friendly skirt. I picked up Chris and headed out to fill up my parched gas tank. We coasted into the gas station on a prayer and I gleefully swayed into pay for the fuel in which I was about to receive. I triumphantly walked back to my van, the warm breeze against me, making my hair do that perfect commercial thing... Girls know.. the diva fan. Anyway. It was a spectacular sight. Five dollars worth of fuel later (not much time at all) I realized I was feeling that fresh warm breeze somewhere else. Horrified, I felt behind me to find my twirly skirt was attempting to morph into a kite (no attached strings though Justin). I think the only thing that saved me from dying of embarrassment was the fact that I finally invested in nice undies, which I chose to wear today.

So, middle aged man who decided to keep staring and perversely smiling back and forth between me and your phone, glad I made your day better, hope I don't see a picture of that on the internet.

I'm changing into jeans.

Last night, my sweet, loving partner J turned into a zombie

Granted, he didn't resemble the lifeless mass of human flesh, void of emotion that one sees in their nightmares (No, I’m not talking about my ex husband), but it was dang close.

A little background: I wasn't raised watching horror movies, in fact, I was completely sheltered child. I am, however, naturally brave, surviving the pranks one endures being raised as the youngest child in a household that at any given time sheltered up to 16 children. The ONE paranormal thing that utterly horrifies me is ZOMBIES. Now, I was married to one of the biggest Walking Dead fans, and begrudgingly, started watching it myself. I grew to love that damn show and soon built up a tolerance to the graphic zombie content under specific conditions. The lights had to be on and I had to watch it during the day so I had time to purge my mind of the horror. Simple rules.

Before my partner and I started dating, we’d hang out as friends. THE VERY FIRST TIME we hung out, was late at night, downtown area of a little surf town in SoCal. The night was coming to a close and in the middle of our conversation about bands we liked; I caught the glimpse of a silhouetted, “dread-head’ figure, about 15 feet from us, limping closer and closer. The blood drained from my face and I froze in a panic. I was able to gather my wits and explained to my very confused friend, that I was deathly afraid of zombies. Fast Forward, we start dating and I have among my top rules are; don’t cheat on me, don’t act like a zombie, and no zombie movies before bed. Fast forward again; I’ll give you one guess as to what J thought would be a great idea to do last night.

I walked into our room to see my sweet partner looking through our movie selection. I wasn't really in the mood to watch a movie; I wanted… a completely different activity. But I figured I wouldn't say anything since I had already gotten what I wanted just an hour prior. So I settled under my comforter, ready for J to hop into bed and snuggle up. It wasn't so bad realizing that the movie he selected was World War Z, I wasn't scared when we had watched it before, but then J thought it would be super funny to start mimicking the biting zombie actions. *Real Funny J*

I don’t know what possessed him to get up, but his movements and my heightened state of panic set in resulting in him receiving several swift kicks to his stomach. He quickly excused himself to the bathroom... Leaving me alone… in bed, with a scary ****ing zombie on the screen and I couldn't get up to turn it off because I just KNEW that now there was probably a zombie in my room and, logically, I was safer in bed.

WTF did you Eat J!

I don’t know if you've ever been in a heightened alert state, but when I am, I become aware of every noise, and slight movements that surround me. Due to that fact, I was all too aware of the horrors happening to J in the next room. Oh, the sound of his agonizing moans. Ooooh… the sound of his vital organs dropping out of his body, like machine gun rounds dropping in a war zone. There was nothing I could do, after all, I had to stay alive for my helpless children peacefully sleeping down the hall.

The entire Zombie transformation took a total of about 15 minutes. Then my zombified partner reentered our bedroom, walking a little funny and trailing the smell of death behind him. Being a thoughtful (still living) girlfriend, I thought I'd test to see if a part of my sweet boyfriend was still alive. I pointed out his obvious oversight (oversmell?). He responded by attempting to place the blame on my sweet little girls by saying that aerosol room deodorant was gone and nothing could be done. That was all the proof I needed. My J would have turned on the fan and closed the door to trap the foul, death stench.  That's when I realized that I dealing with a clever new breed of zombie that kills its prey, not by biting, but by suffocation. 

The good news is that the zombie effects have since worn off and from what I can tell, J is back to his wonderful self. Even Better news, I finally know what to get him for Christmas this year! 

Cheers!

Life of TheStigMom Part One:BabyStig

Just a little history for those who like reading about other people’s stories.

The history of my mom and dad is the typical American love story.. Ya know… Divorced mother of one (my mom) meets “SD” at a bar, they have sex, “SD” ends up having a family of his own and when my mom tells “SD” she is pregnant, “SD” told my mom to get lost or SHE would ruin his family.  Sigh Real winner, that one.

So with my Sperm Donor out of the picture, my mother set out to have me on her own. Now, my mom had been living with one of the worst cases of MS that the specialists in Washington State had ever documented. She was advised to abort me, Her mother pleaded with her, worried for her safety. My mother was told she wouldn’t survive the pregnancy, if she did survive, I wouldn’t, and if I did… there was only a slim chance I would be born healthy.

My mom chose life, I was born healthy, but she lost the use of her legs and the doctors told her she would never walk again. My single, disabled mother of two, didn’t believe them and with determination… she was eventually able to get out of her wheelchair. She did the very best she could. She was a very determined woman, but her struggles were just beginning. I don’t know what caused my mother to lose her mind, the disease, genetics, the medications, I really don’t expect answers.  The fact remains she did. 

Before I left the hospital, a few days old, my mother thought it’d be okay to feed me mashed potatoes. Even with family taking turns coming to help her care for us, she’d forget feedings, forget she even had children for hours at a time. I was hospitalized with a Failure to thrive (FTT). I don’t really remember anything, being that young, but do know that’s when my 8 year old sister, H, started caring for me. She was my little mommy.  I loved her more than I loved anything else.

My mother wasn’t a monster. I know that a woman has needs, and even with her illness (turned mental illness), my single mother needed to feel loved, she needed the attention of men. She’d bring men home and sometimes those men would find her two little daughters attractive too. Get where I’m going with this? This I remember clearly. My older sister always did her best to protect me from the harm these savage men would do. She’d sneak me into her room in a pile of blankets, she’d lock her doors… she was braver than any child should have to be. My sister was my protector, my hero. Some days our mother would lose her patience, her anger usually spewed unto my sister. I remember our mom telling H things like I was her favorite, how she was ugly... I remember my sister taking the blame for little insignificant things that I did (not even two years old I was probably a mess maker) and getting whipped with the cord of the vacuum, and I remember being left alone, a lot. My sister would hurry back from school each day to take care of me. Until one day she came home and I wasn’t there.

That day a woman came to the door. I was used to random people coming in and talking to my mother, we lived blocks away from a Jehovah’s witness church and really, my mother rarely turned anyone away who came to talk about Jesus. That day, however, the woman didn’t come to talk about God, She came to remove me from the home. My mother called me from the kitchen into the livingroom. I remember the look on her face. The lady offered me a stuffed animal but I was hesitant to go near her. My mother must have been lucid that day, She was calm, but her eyes were sad as she forced a smile and said it was alright to go. She hugged me tight and told me she loved me. The sky was clear, the air was warm and the calm and gentle movements of my caseworker’s car lulled me to sleep. It was a short car ride and the crunch of the gravel stirred me awake in time to watch the car pull in to the driveway of my new life.

My Friends… I love you.

I posted this on my Facebook today, but since I can't seem to link my Facebook and Twitter on this ******* site, I'll just transfer it here.

 My life is tough right now, I'm definitely dealing with a lot of stressors, but when I count my blessings I see that I'm quite a lucky girl. 

I have some amazing people in my life who build me up when I break down, who distract me when I need distraction, never judge me and who help pick me up and motivate me to go do what needs to be done. 

You are worth your weight in diamonds to me. I grew up with the ability to walk away from anyone I ever knew. I have two emotional settings, happy and numb... Over this last little bit of time, you guys have been able to make me feel more. For the first time in my life, I don't feel completely alone. I feel like I have a home. I feel like I belong, and for that, Thank you.

When I tell my life story, most think it sounds rough, but my life is actually a fairytale, granted, not a traditional one, but I have no doubts that my story will have a happy ending. My God has always provided for me, and when my faith is shaken, I have a few amazing friends hat constantly remind me of my blessings. I have much love for you.♥